sometimes seeing is believing

Benjamin is the kind of kid who is easy to love.  He smiles easily, he laughs genuinely, and will kiss you on the mouth if you let him.  It's no secret that I threw out the milestone chart years ago once it become an enemy in our house, (and interestingly, I have no idea where Ethan now lies on this chart because of it) and part of me still wonders why we go to see our regular Pediatrician for well-child visits.  They don't know my child, nor do they really care.  They get their paperwork, grab their pen, and start going down their list of things that he is or isn't doing.  Well, surprise surprise, he falls short of what a four year old is "supposed" to be doing.  We get disappointed frowns when Benjamin isn't tracing letters appropriately and looks of disgust when we talk about potty training while he's still four.  (Which btw, has been so wonderful for the past two weeks, so in your face Pediatrician!)  Yes, I really do wonder why we still go seem them... .

And then we go see the Neuro doctors and they LOVE him.  They love every part of him, they encourage every part of his development, every part of his incontinent little self.  They SEE him.  I appreciate those of you who see him for who he is, and for who he isn't.  They have perspective, they have sympathy, and best of all, they encourage me.  I'm not suggesting that you all ditch your Pediatricians and run for a Neuro doctor (they aren't all like McDreamy on tv, trust me), but what I am saying is that if you walk out of your child's appointments and consistently feel like a failure as a parent, it's time to get a new doctor.

Green..

Occasionally, I am a bit jealous of normal problems that parents have with their children.  Isn't that the silliest thing you've ever heard?  Me being jealous of a bad situation that other people are experiencing.  Such an odd thing to envy.  When I am in Mom circles, the talk will inevitably turn to something that their child is doing that is driving them up the wall, and I can't help but to sit back and listen, enraptured in their dilemma.  I usually just smile, nod, and say the polite things, but honestly, I never quite know what to say.  Part of me wants to say, "Yeah, that sucks that your two year isn't potty trained... but what if my child has no meaningful conversational skills past the age of a five year old when he's an adult.. what if my child never actually becomes a fully-functioning adult?".  These are the things that I sit and ponder when complaints arise.  Thank God for cookies because they're usually handy for stuffing in your mouth when you have nothing to say and wish to avoid awkwardness. 

It seems like my life is full of awkward moments.

Conversations with strangers

Benjamin started speaking in whole sentences last year around this time. More milk, Mommy. A cow says moo. That sort of thing.

What an amazing difference a year makes. One little year.

One day last week while shopping, we stopped at Panda Express at the exchange. (They claim to not use MSG, but btw, it's a lie, I'm pretty sure I was MSGed.) While I was trying to dig my wallet out of my glamorous diaper bag, the cashier looked at Benjamin and asked him what his name was and I was about to answer for him (as usual), but he looked her square in the eye and said "Benjamin" and then proceeded to go back to snacking on his skittles. Then she smiled and asked how old he was and he said, "I'm four. Just turned four. We had cookies and I got my Buzz Lightyear wings."

I'm pretty sure I teared up a little, and I'm more than sure that this lady thought I was absolutely nuts, but I was overwhelmed with a lot of different emotions. Amazing what one little year can do.

Potty training

Sigh. I'm pretty sure that they will both be potty trained at the same time at the rate we're going. I'm so OVER it.

School decisions

Isn't preschool shopping stressful? I know some of you are laughing because it's just preschool and not elementary school. And then others are laughing at the people stressing over which elementary school to chose because their middle schoolers are getting bullied. And then are others laughing at us all because they are more concerned with how in the heck they are going to pay for college! But, anyway, at this stage in my life, I am concerned about preschools, and you may laugh if you wish. :)

So basically, we moved right after the Fall semester started. His preschool was less than five minutes from our house. Now, after moving, it's about 20 with all the red lights. I literally spend 80 minutes at a minimum in the car three times a week. And furthermore, Ethan spends that time in the car as well, and it is completely disrupting his schedule. It isn't going to get any easier. People keep saying that it will. Well, he is the kind of baby who NEEDS a schedule, thrives on it, but yet is not getting it. It makes him very cranky. So, we're reducing Benjamin's days down to two instead of three, and that will help a little bit for the remainder of the school year.

So, a few weeks ago, I started shopping for a new preschool that would be closer to our new home. There are several, and they all fill up fast! I went and toured one that was known for it's acceptance of special needs children (various kinds), and it was CRAZY in there. The teachers were great, but the classrooms were just insane. It looked like my house to be honest. haha. I appreciated their willingness to overlook and even embrace Benjamin's quirks that make him so unique, but I didn't think that he would thrive in that chaos. The second school I absolutely adored, but they had zero interest in Benjamin. Now, I will be completely honest and say that initially I was heartbroken. They didn't even care to meet him, much less return my calls or emails. After a few days, my heartbreak became complete outrage. My child had been blindly discriminated against. They didn't even WANT to meet him. It's more appalling than anything that has ever happened to me or him. In fact, I still can't believe it... but in the end, it has been a complete blessing. Why would I want to send my child to a school where they turn away disabled children? Who are the administrators modeling after? Enough of that, I'm not going to publicly bash the school, but I will give people an honest recount of my experiences.

That left me back at square one, looking for a school. When you have children, you tend to be inundated with Psalm 127:3, which states that children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Other translations say a blessing. Your children are a blessing from God. Benjamin is a blessing. A gift.

Once I fully realized that, the entire world came off of my shoulders. Why have I been stressing so much about what school to send him to? Really, when I thought about all the reasons I wanted to send him to certain schools, none of it added up. None of the reasons made any sense. Interestingly, the previous two verses in the same chapter of Psalm states that unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves. Why do you think that verse comes before the verse about children? Because so many of us labor in vain with worry about our children! God has always been watching over Benjamin, regardless if I've been guarding him or not.

So the decision was easy, and I hope for it to be life changing. He's staying with me! I'm over the moon excited about homeschooling. I can't promise it will be forever, or that I'll even like it 100% of the time. What I can promise is that Benjamin's education will be superb, and that's all I really wanted. He is such a special little boy, my gift. I'm almost embarrassed that I was so quick to give my gift away.

Made in China

No, this isn't a blast on toys made in China, although that is a pet peeve of mine.

A couple of days ago, Benjamin started toting this blue fish around. (Karen, the one that you had in the goodie bag at S&Z's bday party) He turns it over and hands it to me and says, "what says this?". I laughed and said, "Made in China." He just looks at me and accepts that answer and moves on. Later that day, he hands me another toy and says the same thing, and I have to answer "made in China" AGAIN. He then goes to get a book, opens to the first page and pretends to read and says... you guessed it- made in china!

Funny phrase

So we got Bp the Towmater movie and he loves it. He also has the book and he loves that, too. He likes for us to read the book and then he rehearses some of the scenes with us. He likes for Warren to be the hospital and I get to make the ambulance noises. Funny that Warren represents a building instead of one of the characters. I'm not sure what that means exactly. :) So the movie has several additional scenes that the book leaves out, and one of the scenes Mater says, "you've got to be kidding me." So Benjamin has been saying that now and it's just hilarious. Hopefully, one day he will use it correctly. :)