Birthday Month

Benjamin turns four next month. Four. Wow. I can't believe it's been four years. Well, I can believe it, but at the same time it seems like he should only be two or three. And honestly, sometimes it feels like he should be five or six. Oh, how I am dreading his birthday this year. It makes me sad, but not for the obvious reasons. Last year I was so sad about the whole thing that we barely even acknowledged it, although it was quite easy to do so since Warren was deployed. Holidays just sort of disappear when Warren is out of town. But anyway, so I am dreading it, and I know that I really shouldn't, but part of me just can't help myself. It might be difficult for the parent of an neurotypical parent to understand, but birthdays for special needs parents tend to be sad ones. It reminds us again that our child is another year older, but yet still so far behind. It makes us grieve for our child's future because we know what they're missing, regardless if they do or not. Most of the time I am so happy for Benjamin's progress and so grateful because we really and truly are so lucky for his health and development compared to other children with autism, but I can't help but be honest and say that it's also a sad time. Age three was a great year for him and I was comfortable with his development around strangers because there are lots of children who are three that have the same mental status as Benjamin, but not four... When people ask how old he is, part of me will want to lie and say that he's three. "Normal" four year-olds don't act like Benjamin, and I know this. People will ask how old he is and I'll have to say four and then they give me the sympathy look and will know that he's not "normal" and that makes me ache in a million places inside.

Church

Benjamin has never been to church with us before. Well, let me clarify, he's never been to service with us before and has actually never stepped foot in the sanctuary. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone reading this that he isn't exactly one of those children who could just sit there and color for an hour. We have been fortunate enough to have had a babysitter every Sunday since we've been back in VA, so we've never had the need to take him with us. And to be honest, I've never much had the desire until recently because I enjoy going to church and getting paged every ten minutes just isn't conducive to hearing the message- and let's face it, up until about age three or four, it's just childcare. There are tons of children there and half of them are crying and I really don't think they learn much except how to catch a germ. (Now for those of you reading this who are now offended, I apologize. :) He goes to a Christian preschool and he loves it, and he learns a LOT because it is organized, scheduled, and generally just awesome.)

But today, he went with me...

The children's choir performed their Christmas musical today and it was soooo sweet. I actually didn't realize it was happening this morning since we have been out so much with colds and travel. I went to the first service while Warren stayed home with sick Baby E and Bp, and I was so impressed that I left a little bit early and drove home to get Benjamin to bring him back to the second service. He was so excited to go with me to hear the children sing. He clapped after every song and said, "good job, boys and girls". He made it ever so patiently up until about 5 minutes before the ending. It was just such a happy moment for me to be able to bring him in the sanctuary to witness all the other children praising God through their voices.

A true friend

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned on fb (Isn't it interesting how popular social networks are that I feel free to type fb knowing that you will all read "facebook" while scanning the sentence. Funny.) that I was so incredibly glad that Benjamin has had such a sweet friend to play with for the past two years. (And it's also funny that they're here today driving me absolutely crazy because the baby is asleep and they are so LOUD.) I'm sure some people who read my status just read it and thought "yeah, that's great... blahblahblah". Well, I will delve a bit deeper as to why I posted that comment and why I truly, deeply meant that I absolutely adore Maddie and why she is such a special little girl.

Sometime last month I was invited by a friend to attend a support group for parents of children with disabilities. The group dynamic was extremely diverse, but the majority of the parents were those of children diagnosed with ASD. One of the parents whose child was 9 or 10 spoke up and asked the group what she should have said to her child when he asked her, "When will I get a real friend?". This mom was almost in tears asking that question and I couldn't help but to think how incredibly fortunate we have been to have had Maddie in our lives for two years. It is so important for children with ASD to have established routines and consistent interaction with the same children, and Maddie is such a gentle, smart little girl. Benjamin literally screamed around other children and clung to me for dear life before he met Maddie. From the first day that she stayed with us, he has loved her and they have been genuine friends. Their relationship has set the foundation for future relationships and for that I am infinitely indebted to the Beasley family.