It is well

Benjamin had his six month check up with his neuro pediatric doctor last week. It's just a simple office visit very similar to a well-baby exam, but he sees a specialist instead of a regular pediatrician. The office is inside a hospital, which is a little scary for me to be honest. Every time we go, I'm very aware of the fact that his office is inside of a hospital, which houses sick people. Now there are tons of clinics there as well, but those clinics aren't my concern when I'm taking Benjamin there. All I can think of is that we're required to go to a hospital for my child to see a brain doctor. Some days I forget that Benjamin is different, but not on the days when we go see Dr. Stuart.

The visit was uneventful in terms of a medical perspective. No tests, no bloodwork. Just some questions from the doctor and another scheduled appointment at the end of the year. Dr. Stuart asked us questions about Benjamin's behavior on a day to day basis and it finally dawned on me what a different child he is compared to last November. He has a language delay, but that is probably the only noticeable factor at this point that he is different from any other child his age. Does he have tantrums when he doesn't get his 5th popsicle for the day? Sure. (they're sugar free, by the way.) Is he cranky when he is sleepy? Sure. Does he not like to come inside when he's having so much more fun outside? Sure. The differences: Does he bang his head on the ground repeatedly? No. Does he cry when other children simply enter the room? No. Does he physically push books away from you? No.

Benjamin is leaps and bounds a different child, but it's been so gradual that we didn't notice that he's more normal than abnormal at this point. Sure he still lines up his toys and loves to spin the wheels on his cars, but that isn't going to put him in a special school. Quirky people fill the world and my child is just going to make it a bit fuller.

I have said so many times how profound song lyrics are in my life, and as I was walking out of that hospital, I could not help but to think of this hymn.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

A new day, a new word.

Benjamin has so many words now! I can't express how relieved and excited we are to hear anything come out of his mouth. His new favorite word is eye, which he says like his Mamma- "ahye". It's soooo adorable. Six months ago we were seriously starting to have doubts about whether or not he would ever speak, but now we are without doubt. Isn't that awesome?

tantrums

Benjamin's teacher comes once a week on Monday mornings. He was still sick on Monday, so we had to reschedule the appointment for today. She mainly works on speech therapy through interactive play and it usually goes really well. He actually looks forward to it it seems. He is usually very withdrawn when people come to the door that aren't in the immediate family (me, warren, and my favorite neighbor), but he always smiles when she comes. She is here solely for him and I think that he is aware of that. Today she brought Easter eggs filled with little treasures for him to find and he was amused with opening and closing them a million times, but got a little irrate when she tried to hide them to practice for the Easter egg hunts coming up in a few weeks.

It can be said that Benjamin has a difficult time managing transition, but today was just completely out of the normal range for his tantrums. In a normal situation, I would have just let him throw himself on the ground (This part is actually sort of funny because he usually eases himself on the ground because he's found that it hurts when he throws himself. lol) and have it out for the couple of minutes. Well, as I said, she's only here once a week, so it is vitally important that he stay in control of himself and be able to learn while she's here. I tried to consol him and my oh my was that the wrong thing to do. The child actually headbutted me! Right in front of his teacher. Now to clarify, he wasn't trying to hurt me, he was just that much out of control. Needless to say, this made me very angry. Yes, angry is the right word because it hurt. I try to not parent in anger and I'm to tell you that it took every bit of strength in me to not beat him right in front of his teacher and Madeline. (Rachel's little sweetie who comes three times a week.) The hour was up by this point, so it was time for his teacher to leave anyway. Not a moment too soon because all I wanted to do was cry, but I managed to keep it together until she left.

It's time like this that I sit and think, "Why me, why my kid, why he does act this way, and when will it stop?". Well, I do know why he acts this way, so that isn't really a good question to be pondering to begin with. So, to all of you who think that I always have it together with Benjamin and that it's easy, I'm to tell you that it's not easy and I most certainly do not have it all together all the time. I don't have moments where I sit and feel sorry for me or for him often, but those moments are definitely real. However, God never gives us more than we can handle and I still believe that to be true. After all, I do not have a woe is me attitude about his condition that is evolving into something that could possibly require life long care. Okay, yes, maybe I do have a woe as me attitude 1% of the time... Still good odds for us all, I'd say.

Thanks for listening.

Gluten woes

Casein free is not fun, but gluten free is lots worse. It's easy to substitute soy for cow's milk, but there really is not a substitute for wheat. Wheat is in so many foods! What I am coming to realize is that the foods that contain wheat usually are not that great for you anyway. All the processed junk that we put into our bodies on a daily basis... man oh man. Just wait for the post about the additives in fast food. I actually already knew most of it, but I chose to ignore the facts and settled with ignorance is bliss. You really can not do that with a child who has allergies though.

So the woes basically consisted with Benjamin having withdrawals to gluten. The basic explanation of the whole situation is that there are some autistic children (and obviously some neuro-typical children as well, but they get labeled as having Celiac disease) can not digest casein (cow's milk by product) and gluten (wheat, rye, barley, etc.). These proteins remain in your blood stream and behave as an opiate. GREAT, right?? So basically I've been drugging my child for two years. This is not what causes autism, but rather it exacerbates some of the symtoms such as spinning, banging of the head, and looking "out of it" most of the time. Doctors sometimes suggest that you try this diet to see if any of the symptoms subside. A LOT of Benjamin's symptoms have subsided with the GFCF diet, and we're thrilled with the results. We were not so thrilled with the withdrawals that lasted for about four days, however. He woke up about every 45 minutes at night and was incredibly cranky all day to the point of driving us insane. I'm sure he must have had some sort of headache. We all had a headache at that point. Benjamin has been using more "jargon", which is baby jabber. You know when a child looks at you and has a complete conversation and it's obvious that they aren't speaking English? That's jargon. Benjamin never had that before. It's thought to be the precursor to speaking. Yippee!

Now I'm sure many of you may be wondering why children are not tested for these types of "allergies", and I can not really answer that question. I suppose the same reason why we are not all tested for lots of things. Sometimes, as parents, you must educate yourselves (Warren calls this webmding yourself.) and then ask the doctors for various tests. Is it our crappy healthcare system that ALWAYS revolves around money to the expense of our own health? Maybe so. I do not have the answers, but I do know that Benjamin could have been tested for this earlier. The treatment to eliminate some foods is considered a homeopathic treatment. We all know how most doctors feel about homeopathic treatments. It's very interesting that Western medicine has come this far, but yet falls so short in many ways because most refuse to believe in homeopathic treatments.

Yes, big post with lots of topics. Sorry. The bottom line is Benjamin is doing better and we're stoked!

GFCF

(for FB users, this blog is imported automatically; visit benjaminsmamma.blogspot.com)

Ah, the trials and tribulations of the gluten free/casein free diet are here. We've been CF (which is basically cow's milk free for all intents and purposes and without going into a lot of explaining) since mid-Oct and after many months, I am basically a pro at reading ingredients... or so I thought. I never would have thought that McDonald's french fries contain milk. Isn't that an interesting tidbit of information? Apparently, the beef flavoring in them contains milk. Now why didn't I stop to think that a french fried potato might possibly have milk as an ingredient? It's simply baffling.

So here I am, almost 5 months into this diet and still giving milk to my CF child. I figure with this new found boost of confidence that I'm ready to embark on the GFCF, right? GF is basically wheat free. We've been at it for three days now and I'm finding that it's nearly impossible to dine out (but it's nearly impossible to dine out with a 2 year old anyway) on this diet. However, the fast food chariot for this diet is ChickFilA. You can eat the french fries, which is a blessing. I always try to take enough snacks, but realistically, a family that is used to dining on the go will encounter problems eventually and require the assistance of some restaurant's deep fryer. It's just science. Southern people need their deep fried food every once in a while. You're all shaking your heads in agreement.

So you're all wondering the purpose of this diet, right? Well, everything involves Benjamin somehow, right? Well, especially on this blog since it's dedicated to him and the joys and dilemnas of parenthood. It's basically an at home therapy that is recommended to see if you achieve positive results. It's been proven to work with some kids, so if it doesn't work, all you are wasting is your time. (and money mind you, it's very expensive) Benjamin has already said three more words since this diet, which is miraculous in our house. His sleeping, however, has been TERRIBLE, so I'd better end this quickly as it is rather late.

Watch for more posts in the future.

He can move the mountains

Whenever I hear the song "Mighty to Save" on the radio or at church, I always think about Benjamin. I suppose that is because he is always on my mind... and the obstacles we are facing are usually right under the surface, so it always pops up. You know the song, it goes like this:


Everyone needs compassion
Love thats never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
And fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
I Surrender
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Jesus
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Jesus
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King

I know there are lots of different aspects of this song and it can relate to any person and any situation, but I personally can't help but think of Benjamin and his speech delay. (among other things of his) I always gain perspective when hearing this song. Why should I be concerned with my abilities in helping Benjamin overcome a speech delay when He can move the mountains? And in all actually, it is stated that WE can move the mountains.

Matthew 17:20: He told them, "Because of your lack of faith. I tell you with certainty, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.

Do you know how tiny a mustard seed is? That's all the measure of faith that you need to move a mountain. Imagine what a dozen little mustard seeds could accomplish.

Hands tucked, please.

I still rock Benjamin to sleep. I know, I know, such a travesty in this day and age of expecting your children to become adults by the time they are two. I'm not really sure what that "independence" accomplishes really. Are they truly independent because they can put themselves to sleep if they scream for 20 minutes beforehand? I've noticed that children who are expected to be miniature adults have more frequent outbursts and become unraveled more easily at the tiniest little hiccup in their lives. Of course, there are some children who are perfectly content with putting themselves to sleep and never make a peep about it. This is the perfect situation for all involved, right? Like many others, my situation is not that easy. Benjamin has never been an easy child, and this sleep situation perfectly fits alongside his disposition. I'm not saying my way is the right way; I'm saying that my way is the right way for us right now. I enjoy holding him and watching him slowly unwind and relax and drift off. Right as he's made the decision that he is sleepy and wants to sleep, he tucks his hands in the sleeves of my shirt. I have no idea why he does this, but it is indeed a very sweet moment between the two of us.

"Children and mothers never really part- bound in the beating of each others' heart." -Charlotte Gray