tantrums

Benjamin's teacher comes once a week on Monday mornings. He was still sick on Monday, so we had to reschedule the appointment for today. She mainly works on speech therapy through interactive play and it usually goes really well. He actually looks forward to it it seems. He is usually very withdrawn when people come to the door that aren't in the immediate family (me, warren, and my favorite neighbor), but he always smiles when she comes. She is here solely for him and I think that he is aware of that. Today she brought Easter eggs filled with little treasures for him to find and he was amused with opening and closing them a million times, but got a little irrate when she tried to hide them to practice for the Easter egg hunts coming up in a few weeks.

It can be said that Benjamin has a difficult time managing transition, but today was just completely out of the normal range for his tantrums. In a normal situation, I would have just let him throw himself on the ground (This part is actually sort of funny because he usually eases himself on the ground because he's found that it hurts when he throws himself. lol) and have it out for the couple of minutes. Well, as I said, she's only here once a week, so it is vitally important that he stay in control of himself and be able to learn while she's here. I tried to consol him and my oh my was that the wrong thing to do. The child actually headbutted me! Right in front of his teacher. Now to clarify, he wasn't trying to hurt me, he was just that much out of control. Needless to say, this made me very angry. Yes, angry is the right word because it hurt. I try to not parent in anger and I'm to tell you that it took every bit of strength in me to not beat him right in front of his teacher and Madeline. (Rachel's little sweetie who comes three times a week.) The hour was up by this point, so it was time for his teacher to leave anyway. Not a moment too soon because all I wanted to do was cry, but I managed to keep it together until she left.

It's time like this that I sit and think, "Why me, why my kid, why he does act this way, and when will it stop?". Well, I do know why he acts this way, so that isn't really a good question to be pondering to begin with. So, to all of you who think that I always have it together with Benjamin and that it's easy, I'm to tell you that it's not easy and I most certainly do not have it all together all the time. I don't have moments where I sit and feel sorry for me or for him often, but those moments are definitely real. However, God never gives us more than we can handle and I still believe that to be true. After all, I do not have a woe is me attitude about his condition that is evolving into something that could possibly require life long care. Okay, yes, maybe I do have a woe as me attitude 1% of the time... Still good odds for us all, I'd say.

Thanks for listening.