Potty training

Sigh. I'm pretty sure that they will both be potty trained at the same time at the rate we're going. I'm so OVER it.

School decisions

Isn't preschool shopping stressful? I know some of you are laughing because it's just preschool and not elementary school. And then others are laughing at the people stressing over which elementary school to chose because their middle schoolers are getting bullied. And then are others laughing at us all because they are more concerned with how in the heck they are going to pay for college! But, anyway, at this stage in my life, I am concerned about preschools, and you may laugh if you wish. :)

So basically, we moved right after the Fall semester started. His preschool was less than five minutes from our house. Now, after moving, it's about 20 with all the red lights. I literally spend 80 minutes at a minimum in the car three times a week. And furthermore, Ethan spends that time in the car as well, and it is completely disrupting his schedule. It isn't going to get any easier. People keep saying that it will. Well, he is the kind of baby who NEEDS a schedule, thrives on it, but yet is not getting it. It makes him very cranky. So, we're reducing Benjamin's days down to two instead of three, and that will help a little bit for the remainder of the school year.

So, a few weeks ago, I started shopping for a new preschool that would be closer to our new home. There are several, and they all fill up fast! I went and toured one that was known for it's acceptance of special needs children (various kinds), and it was CRAZY in there. The teachers were great, but the classrooms were just insane. It looked like my house to be honest. haha. I appreciated their willingness to overlook and even embrace Benjamin's quirks that make him so unique, but I didn't think that he would thrive in that chaos. The second school I absolutely adored, but they had zero interest in Benjamin. Now, I will be completely honest and say that initially I was heartbroken. They didn't even care to meet him, much less return my calls or emails. After a few days, my heartbreak became complete outrage. My child had been blindly discriminated against. They didn't even WANT to meet him. It's more appalling than anything that has ever happened to me or him. In fact, I still can't believe it... but in the end, it has been a complete blessing. Why would I want to send my child to a school where they turn away disabled children? Who are the administrators modeling after? Enough of that, I'm not going to publicly bash the school, but I will give people an honest recount of my experiences.

That left me back at square one, looking for a school. When you have children, you tend to be inundated with Psalm 127:3, which states that children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Other translations say a blessing. Your children are a blessing from God. Benjamin is a blessing. A gift.

Once I fully realized that, the entire world came off of my shoulders. Why have I been stressing so much about what school to send him to? Really, when I thought about all the reasons I wanted to send him to certain schools, none of it added up. None of the reasons made any sense. Interestingly, the previous two verses in the same chapter of Psalm states that unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves. Why do you think that verse comes before the verse about children? Because so many of us labor in vain with worry about our children! God has always been watching over Benjamin, regardless if I've been guarding him or not.

So the decision was easy, and I hope for it to be life changing. He's staying with me! I'm over the moon excited about homeschooling. I can't promise it will be forever, or that I'll even like it 100% of the time. What I can promise is that Benjamin's education will be superb, and that's all I really wanted. He is such a special little boy, my gift. I'm almost embarrassed that I was so quick to give my gift away.

Made in China

No, this isn't a blast on toys made in China, although that is a pet peeve of mine.

A couple of days ago, Benjamin started toting this blue fish around. (Karen, the one that you had in the goodie bag at S&Z's bday party) He turns it over and hands it to me and says, "what says this?". I laughed and said, "Made in China." He just looks at me and accepts that answer and moves on. Later that day, he hands me another toy and says the same thing, and I have to answer "made in China" AGAIN. He then goes to get a book, opens to the first page and pretends to read and says... you guessed it- made in china!

Funny phrase

So we got Bp the Towmater movie and he loves it. He also has the book and he loves that, too. He likes for us to read the book and then he rehearses some of the scenes with us. He likes for Warren to be the hospital and I get to make the ambulance noises. Funny that Warren represents a building instead of one of the characters. I'm not sure what that means exactly. :) So the movie has several additional scenes that the book leaves out, and one of the scenes Mater says, "you've got to be kidding me." So Benjamin has been saying that now and it's just hilarious. Hopefully, one day he will use it correctly. :)

Birthday Month

Benjamin turns four next month. Four. Wow. I can't believe it's been four years. Well, I can believe it, but at the same time it seems like he should only be two or three. And honestly, sometimes it feels like he should be five or six. Oh, how I am dreading his birthday this year. It makes me sad, but not for the obvious reasons. Last year I was so sad about the whole thing that we barely even acknowledged it, although it was quite easy to do so since Warren was deployed. Holidays just sort of disappear when Warren is out of town. But anyway, so I am dreading it, and I know that I really shouldn't, but part of me just can't help myself. It might be difficult for the parent of an neurotypical parent to understand, but birthdays for special needs parents tend to be sad ones. It reminds us again that our child is another year older, but yet still so far behind. It makes us grieve for our child's future because we know what they're missing, regardless if they do or not. Most of the time I am so happy for Benjamin's progress and so grateful because we really and truly are so lucky for his health and development compared to other children with autism, but I can't help but be honest and say that it's also a sad time. Age three was a great year for him and I was comfortable with his development around strangers because there are lots of children who are three that have the same mental status as Benjamin, but not four... When people ask how old he is, part of me will want to lie and say that he's three. "Normal" four year-olds don't act like Benjamin, and I know this. People will ask how old he is and I'll have to say four and then they give me the sympathy look and will know that he's not "normal" and that makes me ache in a million places inside.

Church

Benjamin has never been to church with us before. Well, let me clarify, he's never been to service with us before and has actually never stepped foot in the sanctuary. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone reading this that he isn't exactly one of those children who could just sit there and color for an hour. We have been fortunate enough to have had a babysitter every Sunday since we've been back in VA, so we've never had the need to take him with us. And to be honest, I've never much had the desire until recently because I enjoy going to church and getting paged every ten minutes just isn't conducive to hearing the message- and let's face it, up until about age three or four, it's just childcare. There are tons of children there and half of them are crying and I really don't think they learn much except how to catch a germ. (Now for those of you reading this who are now offended, I apologize. :) He goes to a Christian preschool and he loves it, and he learns a LOT because it is organized, scheduled, and generally just awesome.)

But today, he went with me...

The children's choir performed their Christmas musical today and it was soooo sweet. I actually didn't realize it was happening this morning since we have been out so much with colds and travel. I went to the first service while Warren stayed home with sick Baby E and Bp, and I was so impressed that I left a little bit early and drove home to get Benjamin to bring him back to the second service. He was so excited to go with me to hear the children sing. He clapped after every song and said, "good job, boys and girls". He made it ever so patiently up until about 5 minutes before the ending. It was just such a happy moment for me to be able to bring him in the sanctuary to witness all the other children praising God through their voices.

A true friend

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned on fb (Isn't it interesting how popular social networks are that I feel free to type fb knowing that you will all read "facebook" while scanning the sentence. Funny.) that I was so incredibly glad that Benjamin has had such a sweet friend to play with for the past two years. (And it's also funny that they're here today driving me absolutely crazy because the baby is asleep and they are so LOUD.) I'm sure some people who read my status just read it and thought "yeah, that's great... blahblahblah". Well, I will delve a bit deeper as to why I posted that comment and why I truly, deeply meant that I absolutely adore Maddie and why she is such a special little girl.

Sometime last month I was invited by a friend to attend a support group for parents of children with disabilities. The group dynamic was extremely diverse, but the majority of the parents were those of children diagnosed with ASD. One of the parents whose child was 9 or 10 spoke up and asked the group what she should have said to her child when he asked her, "When will I get a real friend?". This mom was almost in tears asking that question and I couldn't help but to think how incredibly fortunate we have been to have had Maddie in our lives for two years. It is so important for children with ASD to have established routines and consistent interaction with the same children, and Maddie is such a gentle, smart little girl. Benjamin literally screamed around other children and clung to me for dear life before he met Maddie. From the first day that she stayed with us, he has loved her and they have been genuine friends. Their relationship has set the foundation for future relationships and for that I am infinitely indebted to the Beasley family.