Seems like everyone has dropped off the blogosphere these days, huh? We're all still around, but too busy to post. I think I've had about a millions posts go through my head, and yet they never make it on to this page. I miss this page though, I really do. There are so many wonderful things going on that I need to take time to write them down or else I wake up one morning and be 45 and my child will be grown and I'll never have a record of those precious moments except for in my mind. I'm ever so grateful for blogs, and I do realize that people used to actually write in journals, and that is how they used to record things, but I'll never be one of those people. Maybe I should try though as there is something to be said about the written word. Seems to hold more meaning, doesn't it? Anyway, I digress.
So we've finally finished moving and Benjamin took the entire experience with ease. Even Ethan did who was literally strapped in his car seat for hours on end every single day while we worked like dogs shlepping boxes from one house to the other. What the heck do you do with kids when you live states away from family and have no childcare? You strap them in their car seats and turn on the a/c, that's what you do. Life does go on, and in perspective, it was only for about a week of complete madness. People used to go on cross-country road trips that lasted two weeks with their kids strapped in car seats (actually, they probably didn't use them back then if I'm going to be accurate) and they all turned out all right. Or I guess they all did, who knows? ha. We've had grace in abundance with our move, and I can say that now that we're completely done with living and maintaining two houses. That was a complete JOY, let me tell you. Anyway, I digress, again.
I read the previous posts, and no, we're still not anywhere closer to being potty trained. I'm sort of done stressing about it though. What can I do other than everything I've already done? There are books upon books on the subject, and I've read quite a bit, and there really aren't any other methods to try than the ones we've already tried. So... enough of that. I suppose the kid will pee in the toilet every time when the time comes. Or maybe not, sometimes I completely forget that he might not ever get there. It's times like that that remind me our lives aren't normal and that's okay because that is just life. None of us are really normal anyway, we just all learn to conform. If conformity is normal, then I suppose I'd rather my child not be normal. Of course when it comes to personal hygiene, I think I'd rather have normalcy. You know, just to keep my sanity. Or maybe preserve my sanity the way in it's current state- I'm sure that I've already lost some of it as it is. I'm sure that I'll be that crazy lady out in 111 degree heat index mulching her front yard one day because she's sick of looking at boxes. Wait, I think I'm already there. Alas, I digress. AGAIN.
So on to the important bulk of this post, Benjamin. My beloved, sweet Benjamin. Man, is he sweet. I wish that I could accurately portray how wonderful it is to have a 4 1/2 year old who still behaves with child-like bewilderment. Benjamin is so advanced in so many ways, and yet behind in lots of areas- definitely textbook. How do you test a child on creativity or their abilities to understand the world around them? For example, I'll put a shirt on Benjamin and he will remember what he did the last time he wore that shirt (if it was a fun day, I mean he doesn't remember boring days too much), and ask me for something that he had on that day like a tiny part of a big toy or he'll look at the shirt and ask me if the baby giraffe will be at the zoo. If I weren't with him literally all of the time, I'm sure that I'd not understand him most days. It's just so amazing how his mind works, and I'm sure that I'll never completely understand it, and sometimes I find comfort in that. His mind is so much more advanced than ours in so many ways, and yet we try to suppress it just for the sake of conformity. Sometimes when he is in a situation in which he is supposed to respond and he knows, he'll get angry because he knows that he is supposed to say something in which he does not understand. I fear that the older he gets, the lonelier he will get. That of course makes me sad, and I try not to dwell on such sad things, but sometimes it is difficult to suppress those feelings.
Our new house has a nice garage with a room attached that is completely finished (well, it will be once we wire it to the house), and it occurred to me while I was painting his room upstairs (the lovely orange) that if we stayed in this house until he reaches adulthood, the room outside might turn into Benjamin's room. I am forever haunted by these thoughts, and it does always make me sad, but then I look over at him in all of his 4 1/2 yearoldness and smile as he engineers something spectacular with his toys. Who cares if he never reaches maximum intelligence according to some test? The people who write the tests are NORMAL. Let an autistic write a test and I assure you that we'd all fail it miserably.
The sad moments are quickly filled with precious moments when he notices flowers or a different kind of grass. I'm elated that he finds joy in the smallest of things. It is such a blessing, and I'm always learning from him.
