Benjamin's Mamma

Jail

2012-02-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

This is the conversation we had when we arrived home from gymnastics this morning:

Bp: Mommy, I wasn't strapped in.
Me: Benjamin, I heard it click.
Bp: I unstrapped it.
Me: (in my most serious voice) Benjamin, that is very unsafe and Mommy could go to jail for that.
Bp: (in his most serious voice) That's good to know. But Mommy, I would come and get you if you were in jail.
Me: That's also good to know. I appreciate that. But please don't do that again.

Angels

2012-01-26T09:06:00.000-08:00

I know that you'll probably all think that I'm crazy, but perhaps not. Maybe you've noticed this yourself with your own children. When Benjamin was very small (less than 4), and a story was read to him about angels, he would comment that he liked angels. Now, being a little skeptical, I would ask him what an angel was, and he would always respond with a description of their wings. I'd ask if he saw angels during the day and he would always respond with "during the sunny day" (he still says this part), which means in the morning to him. So okay, sure, why not see angels during the morning? It's always been my favorite part of the day, and I really miss waking up early (completely well rested, mind you) and being outside. But back to the story, the point is that he has always commented on angels, and has always seemed to know what they were. I have no idea if he knows or has ever known what their purpose is in our lives, but he loves them. And then a funny story...

So he loves reading out of his Bible. I'm not even bragging about this because it isn't as if I have made huge encouragements for him to do so. It's not ME at all, even though that would be nice if it were. We have several children's Bibles, but one in particular is more of a big kid type Bible, and he favors that one the most lately. It has 512 pages. I know. He will look at it for an hour if he's left alone with no distractions. This is a VERY long time for him to do anything. So the other night he wants me to read it to him before bed, and we get to one of the stories with an angel, and he says, "I wish I had wings." And I was sort of paying attention, and sort of reading, and I said, "Oh, like an angel?" The response was laughter and, "No, like a helicopter." So part of laughed and part of me cringed because it was a signal that he's growing up. There are reasons that God lets the very young see angels- they have no reason to doubt their existence. He still loves to read about angels, but he doesn't talk about them anymore.

He is growing up so quickly, and so many big kid mentalities are creeping in. It's a bittersweet time, but mostly just sweet. He sits and plays video games on his ipad, and says cool and awesome with regularity. He wants to sit with Daddy and play his "fight man game" (which btw isn't like gruesome or anything, although the characters are a bit too shady for my liking) when he really should be going to bed. We have pics of his birthday coming up!

Candy

2012-01-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

B: (said while pulling up shirt) My baby needs candy.

Me: Well, babies like healthy foods like bananas and strawberries.

B: My baby certainly likes candy.

Selfish girl.

2011-10-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, I realized how selfish I really am, and it was such a horrible feeling.

Benjamin is just over the line of being completely functional, and sometimes I get annoyed by the small things in our life that are inconvenient. For example, he has a few OCD tendencies, and nothing major (yet) like the typical hand washing or turning on lights over and over. Most of them are actually quite common, and apply to lots of neurotypical children as well. So sometimes they annoy me, and especially so if I'm tired, or hungry, or thirsty, or if the sky is blue, or... ha, no, it's not that bad, but it's hard being pregnant and having a baby that is getting increasingly heavy and still wakes up two or three times a night on most nights. So my patience gets thin, and as with any child, patience is something that you really do not want to run out of at any time. And on top of it, I had contractions yesterday afternoon, so that made it a bit worse. (I'm fine.)

When I say that we've been potty training for years, I'm not kidding. He gets better, he gets great, he's at rock bottom again, he gets better, etc. It's just like anything that we've ever had to do with him, but since it's affecting us more, it's a major issue these days. And he's turning five in a few months, and just thinking about that makes me cry and grieve all over again. I hate birthdays, I do. I'm not some crazy "I hate parties" Mom, I promise. It's just that parties bring birthdays front and center, and sometimes it's just easier for me not to acknowledge that he's another year older. It's hard to explain to people who have "normal" children because these types of thoughts just never enter their minds. They're usually worrying about their kid being able to read in kindergarten, and here I am, still worrying about him using the potty. Textbooks will tell you it's just part of the grieving process, and I do agree with that... sometimes it's just harder than others.

So I'm sitting there, irritated with him, and I remember that he's so small. And he's only small once. And he might not ever be completely potty trained. One day he will grow up, and I don't want him to remember the irritation in my voice. He knows it irritates me, and he is trying... some things are just harder for him, and he knows that without having it explained to him, which brings up a whole lot of other issues about self-realization that he's different.

And this rarely happens, but I wished my life different... and it's such a horrible feeling. Benjamin is such a sweet child, and God gave him to me specifically. So basically, I wished that God had given him to someone else. Given my Benjamin to someone else. I was heart broken for myself for even thinking of such a selfish notion.

I am reminded that all children are a gift.

fairness

2011-09-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what is fair for my child in terms of explaining his disability. Should I just tell people? Or should I just let him be who is, and then let them wonder? Part of me wants to do both, but usually I just inevitably say nothing and hope for the best. I'm way past making excuses for his behavior, and I have the luxury of doing so because he is still a young child. Not that I'm fearful for the future (Well, obviously I am a tiny bit. I doubt that you'd find any parent who isn't at least a little fearful.), but I know that there will be a time in our future where people will start to notice that he's a bit different. People do notice now, of course, but most people can't quite put their finger on it since his language skills have progressed so nicely. So I never really know what the best answer is when we meet new people. I'm always thinking in my heart that the best answer is that he's special, but that has such a bad connotation because people use that to mean "slow." Benjamin is most emphatically not slow. Neurotypical learning impaired, yes. Slow, no. Special? Most definitely.

(as I'm being backwards bear-hugged)

Socialization?

2011-09-13T15:59:00.001-07:00

So Benjamin had his yearly checkup with his developmental doctor a few weeks ago. All is well- in fact, we don't have to go back for two years unless we have issues arise before then. The interesting part of the visit was that the doctor was surprised that we were homeschooling this year. (He is still in pre-k, just FYI.) Her concern was that he needed to be in a group for socialization. Why do all doctors think that this is the best choice for children with Autism? What skills are we actually teaching by this so-called socialization? Children in school are really only permitted to socialize in lunch (if they're uber quiet) and at recess (which is waning by the minute in every school around the nation). I don't understand this mass socialization that is supposed to help my child learn how to relate to other people later in life. Do we as adults socialize in groups of 8-30 on a regular basis? And I'm saying 8 as the minimum number of children in a class, although in reality the number is much more generous than that in almost all classes. I never understood this concept of mass socialization as it does not encourage real friendships, but rather fleeting conversations that never amount to anything but getting invited to three thousand birthday parties where the parents are forced to stand around and make small talk and referee the children from each other. Because honestly, most parents of children have nothing in common (or so they think) with each other other than the fact that their children are in the same class. Very few people actually want to befriend other parents in the classroom. They want to live their busy lives, keep the friends they have, and leave it at that. (I'm not saying that is a terrible thing, but rather just reality.) But what this leaves us with are forced friendships amongst our children that never amount to much of anything. So why is this socialization at SCHOOL so important? I thought that school was primarily for learning, and isn't that exactly why children tend to get into trouble at school? For socializing when they're supposed to be paying attention in class? This concept just escapes me.

I just smiled and said yes, he is properly socialized and has real friends whose parents I know and love.

Funny day.

2011-07-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have read this on my fb page, but I'll tell it again just in case.

We were at the zoo today, and yes, I am rather crazy as it is the middle of July and we went to the zoo that opens at 10am. Why does it open so late in the morning? Kids are up early, ya know. I can only guess that the animals are up early. Who wants to see miserable, hot animals? I could just do that for free in my backyard. So anyway, we were walking along the new exhibit with tigers, bears, and orangutangs and when we got to the bears, Bp said, "Look Mommy, those bears are eating those bamboo shoes." So funny. Refused correction!

Faithful readers...

2011-07-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

Seems like everyone has dropped off the blogosphere these days, huh? We're all still around, but too busy to post. I think I've had about a millions posts go through my head, and yet they never make it on to this page. I miss this page though, I really do. There are so many wonderful things going on that I need to take time to write them down or else I wake up one morning and be 45 and my child will be grown and I'll never have a record of those precious moments except for in my mind. I'm ever so grateful for blogs, and I do realize that people used to actually write in journals, and that is how they used to record things, but I'll never be one of those people. Maybe I should try though as there is something to be said about the written word. Seems to hold more meaning, doesn't it? Anyway, I digress.

So we've finally finished moving and Benjamin took the entire experience with ease. Even Ethan did who was literally strapped in his car seat for hours on end every single day while we worked like dogs shlepping boxes from one house to the other. What the heck do you do with kids when you live states away from family and have no childcare? You strap them in their car seats and turn on the a/c, that's what you do. Life does go on, and in perspective, it was only for about a week of complete madness. People used to go on cross-country road trips that lasted two weeks with their kids strapped in car seats (actually, they probably didn't use them back then if I'm going to be accurate) and they all turned out all right. Or I guess they all did, who knows? ha. We've had grace in abundance with our move, and I can say that now that we're completely done with living and maintaining two houses. That was a complete JOY, let me tell you. Anyway, I digress, again.

I read the previous posts, and no, we're still not anywhere closer to being potty trained. I'm sort of done stressing about it though. What can I do other than everything I've already done? There are books upon books on the subject, and I've read quite a bit, and there really aren't any other methods to try than the ones we've already tried. So... enough of that. I suppose the kid will pee in the toilet every time when the time comes. Or maybe not, sometimes I completely forget that he might not ever get there. It's times like that that remind me our lives aren't normal and that's okay because that is just life. None of us are really normal anyway, we just all learn to conform. If conformity is normal, then I suppose I'd rather my child not be normal. Of course when it comes to personal hygiene, I think I'd rather have normalcy. You know, just to keep my sanity. Or maybe preserve my sanity the way in it's current state- I'm sure that I've already lost some of it as it is. I'm sure that I'll be that crazy lady out in 111 degree heat index mulching her front yard one day because she's sick of looking at boxes. Wait, I think I'm already there. Alas, I digress. AGAIN.

So on to the important bulk of this post, Benjamin. My beloved, sweet Benjamin. Man, is he sweet. I wish that I could accurately portray how wonderful it is to have a 4 1/2 year old who still behaves with child-like bewilderment. Benjamin is so advanced in so many ways, and yet behind in lots of areas- definitely textbook. How do you test a child on creativity or their abilities to understand the world around them? For example, I'll put a shirt on Benjamin and he will remember what he did the last time he wore that shirt (if it was a fun day, I mean he doesn't remember boring days too much), and ask me for something that he had on that day like a tiny part of a big toy or he'll look at the shirt and ask me if the baby giraffe will be at the zoo. If I weren't with him literally all of the time, I'm sure that I'd not understand him most days. It's just so amazing how his mind works, and I'm sure that I'll never completely understand it, and sometimes I find comfort in that. His mind is so much more advanced than ours in so many ways, and yet we try to suppress it just for the sake of conformity. Sometimes when he is in a situation in which he is supposed to respond and he knows, he'll get angry because he knows that he is supposed to say something in which he does not understand. I fear that the older he gets, the lonelier he will get. That of course makes me sad, and I try not to dwell on such sad things, but sometimes it is difficult to suppress those feelings.

Our new house has a nice garage with a room attached that is completely finished (well, it will be once we wire it to the house), and it occurred to me while I was painting his room upstairs (the lovely orange) that if we stayed in this house until he reaches adulthood, the room outside might turn into Benjamin's room. I am forever haunted by these thoughts, and it does always make me sad, but then I look over at him in all of his 4 1/2 yearoldness and smile as he engineers something spectacular with his toys. Who cares if he never reaches maximum intelligence according to some test? The people who write the tests are NORMAL. Let an autistic write a test and I assure you that we'd all fail it miserably.

The sad moments are quickly filled with precious moments when he notices flowers or a different kind of grass. I'm elated that he finds joy in the smallest of things. It is such a blessing, and I'm always learning from him.

weary

2011-05-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

I am so tired of potty training. Weary tired. We have good weeks and then we have awful weeks. I've been doing this for over a year. I love that phrase, "well, you're not going to be sending your child to school in a diaper". Well, yeah, actually, I probably will. Oh, but except that school will be at home so at least I won't have to worry about that end of it. So many ways ahead, and so many ways behind. So frustrating.

sometimes seeing is believing

2011-03-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

Benjamin is the kind of kid who is easy to love. He smiles easily, he laughs genuinely, and will kiss you on the mouth if you let him. It's no secret that I threw out the milestone chart years ago once it become an enemy in our house, (and interestingly, I have no idea where Ethan now lies on this chart because of it) and part of me still wonders why we go to see our regular Pediatrician for well-child visits. They don't know my child, nor do they really care. They get their paperwork, grab their pen, and start going down their list of things that he is or isn't doing. Well, surprise surprise, he falls short of what a four year old is "supposed" to be doing. We get disappointed frowns when Benjamin isn't tracing letters appropriately and looks of disgust when we talk about potty training while he's still four. (Which btw, has been so wonderful for the past two weeks, so in your face Pediatrician!) Yes, I really do wonder why we still go seem them... .

And then we go see the Neuro doctors and they LOVE him. They love every part of him, they encourage every part of his development, every part of his incontinent little self. They SEE him. I appreciate those of you who see him for who he is, and for who he isn't. They have perspective, they have sympathy, and best of all, they encourage me. I'm not suggesting that you all ditch your Pediatricians and run for a Neuro doctor (they aren't all like McDreamy on tv, trust me), but what I am saying is that if you walk out of your child's appointments and consistently feel like a failure as a parent, it's time to get a new doctor.

Green..

2011-03-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, I am a bit jealous of normal problems that parents have with their children. Isn't that the silliest thing you've ever heard? Me being jealous of a bad situation that other people are experiencing. Such an odd thing to envy. When I am in Mom circles, the talk will inevitably turn to something that their child is doing that is driving them up the wall, and I can't help but to sit back and listen, enraptured in their dilemma. I usually just smile, nod, and say the polite things, but honestly, I never quite know what to say. Part of me wants to say, "Yeah, that sucks that your two year isn't potty trained... but what if my child has no meaningful conversational skills past the age of a five year old when he's an adult.. what if my child never actually becomes a fully-functioning adult?". These are the things that I sit and ponder when complaints arise. Thank God for cookies because they're usually handy for stuffing in your mouth when you have nothing to say and wish to avoid awkwardness.

It seems like my life is full of awkward moments.

Conversations with strangers

2011-02-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

Benjamin started speaking in whole sentences last year around this time. More milk, Mommy. A cow says moo. That sort of thing.

What an amazing difference a year makes. One little year.

One day last week while shopping, we stopped at Panda Express at the exchange. (They claim to not use MSG, but btw, it's a lie, I'm pretty sure I was MSGed.) While I was trying to dig my wallet out of my glamorous diaper bag, the cashier looked at Benjamin and asked him what his name was and I was about to answer for him (as usual), but he looked her square in the eye and said "Benjamin" and then proceeded to go back to snacking on his skittles. Then she smiled and asked how old he was and he said, "I'm four. Just turned four. We had cookies and I got my Buzz Lightyear wings."

I'm pretty sure I teared up a little, and I'm more than sure that this lady thought I was absolutely nuts, but I was overwhelmed with a lot of different emotions. Amazing what one little year can do.

Potty training

2011-01-31T13:24:00.000-08:00

Sigh. I'm pretty sure that they will both be potty trained at the same time at the rate we're going. I'm so OVER it.

School decisions

2011-01-23T18:51:00.000-08:00

Isn't preschool shopping stressful? I know some of you are laughing because it's just preschool and not elementary school. And then others are laughing at the people stressing over which elementary school to chose because their middle schoolers are getting bullied. And then are others laughing at us all because they are more concerned with how in the heck they are going to pay for college! But, anyway, at this stage in my life, I am concerned about preschools, and you may laugh if you wish. :)

So basically, we moved right after the Fall semester started. His preschool was less than five minutes from our house. Now, after moving, it's about 20 with all the red lights. I literally spend 80 minutes at a minimum in the car three times a week. And furthermore, Ethan spends that time in the car as well, and it is completely disrupting his schedule. It isn't going to get any easier. People keep saying that it will. Well, he is the kind of baby who NEEDS a schedule, thrives on it, but yet is not getting it. It makes him very cranky. So, we're reducing Benjamin's days down to two instead of three, and that will help a little bit for the remainder of the school year.

So, a few weeks ago, I started shopping for a new preschool that would be closer to our new home. There are several, and they all fill up fast! I went and toured one that was known for it's acceptance of special needs children (various kinds), and it was CRAZY in there. The teachers were great, but the classrooms were just insane. It looked like my house to be honest. haha. I appreciated their willingness to overlook and even embrace Benjamin's quirks that make him so unique, but I didn't think that he would thrive in that chaos. The second school I absolutely adored, but they had zero interest in Benjamin. Now, I will be completely honest and say that initially I was heartbroken. They didn't even care to meet him, much less return my calls or emails. After a few days, my heartbreak became complete outrage. My child had been blindly discriminated against. They didn't even WANT to meet him. It's more appalling than anything that has ever happened to me or him. In fact, I still can't believe it... but in the end, it has been a complete blessing. Why would I want to send my child to a school where they turn away disabled children? Who are the administrators modeling after? Enough of that, I'm not going to publicly bash the school, but I will give people an honest recount of my experiences.

That left me back at square one, looking for a school. When you have children, you tend to be inundated with Psalm 127:3, which states that children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Other translations say a blessing. Your children are a blessing from God. Benjamin is a blessing. A gift.

Once I fully realized that, the entire world came off of my shoulders. Why have I been stressing so much about what school to send him to? Really, when I thought about all the reasons I wanted to send him to certain schools, none of it added up. None of the reasons made any sense. Interestingly, the previous two verses in the same chapter of Psalm states that unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves. Why do you think that verse comes before the verse about children? Because so many of us labor in vain with worry about our children! God has always been watching over Benjamin, regardless if I've been guarding him or not.

So the decision was easy, and I hope for it to be life changing. He's staying with me! I'm over the moon excited about homeschooling. I can't promise it will be forever, or that I'll even like it 100% of the time. What I can promise is that Benjamin's education will be superb, and that's all I really wanted. He is such a special little boy, my gift. I'm almost embarrassed that I was so quick to give my gift away.

Made in China

2011-01-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

No, this isn't a blast on toys made in China, although that is a pet peeve of mine.

A couple of days ago, Benjamin started toting this blue fish around. (Karen, the one that you had in the goodie bag at S&Z's bday party) He turns it over and hands it to me and says, "what says this?". I laughed and said, "Made in China." He just looks at me and accepts that answer and moves on. Later that day, he hands me another toy and says the same thing, and I have to answer "made in China" AGAIN. He then goes to get a book, opens to the first page and pretends to read and says... you guessed it- made in china!

Funny phrase

2011-01-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

So we got Bp the Towmater movie and he loves it. He also has the book and he loves that, too. He likes for us to read the book and then he rehearses some of the scenes with us. He likes for Warren to be the hospital and I get to make the ambulance noises. Funny that Warren represents a building instead of one of the characters. I'm not sure what that means exactly. :) So the movie has several additional scenes that the book leaves out, and one of the scenes Mater says, "you've got to be kidding me." So Benjamin has been saying that now and it's just hilarious. Hopefully, one day he will use it correctly. :)

Birthday Month

2010-12-07T12:26:00.000-08:00

Benjamin turns four next month. Four. Wow. I can't believe it's been four years. Well, I can believe it, but at the same time it seems like he should only be two or three. And honestly, sometimes it feels like he should be five or six. Oh, how I am dreading his birthday this year. It makes me sad, but not for the obvious reasons. Last year I was so sad about the whole thing that we barely even acknowledged it, although it was quite easy to do so since Warren was deployed. Holidays just sort of disappear when Warren is out of town. But anyway, so I am dreading it, and I know that I really shouldn't, but part of me just can't help myself. It might be difficult for the parent of an neurotypical parent to understand, but birthdays for special needs parents tend to be sad ones. It reminds us again that our child is another year older, but yet still so far behind. It makes us grieve for our child's future because we know what they're missing, regardless if they do or not. Most of the time I am so happy for Benjamin's progress and so grateful because we really and truly are so lucky for his health and development compared to other children with autism, but I can't help but be honest and say that it's also a sad time. Age three was a great year for him and I was comfortable with his development around strangers because there are lots of children who are three that have the same mental status as Benjamin, but not four... When people ask how old he is, part of me will want to lie and say that he's three. "Normal" four year-olds don't act like Benjamin, and I know this. People will ask how old he is and I'll have to say four and then they give me the sympathy look and will know that he's not "normal" and that makes me ache in a million places inside.

Church

2010-12-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

Benjamin has never been to church with us before. Well, let me clarify, he's never been to service with us before and has actually never stepped foot in the sanctuary. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone reading this that he isn't exactly one of those children who could just sit there and color for an hour. We have been fortunate enough to have had a babysitter every Sunday since we've been back in VA, so we've never had the need to take him with us. And to be honest, I've never much had the desire until recently because I enjoy going to church and getting paged every ten minutes just isn't conducive to hearing the message- and let's face it, up until about age three or four, it's just childcare. There are tons of children there and half of them are crying and I really don't think they learn much except how to catch a germ. (Now for those of you reading this who are now offended, I apologize. :) He goes to a Christian preschool and he loves it, and he learns a LOT because it is organized, scheduled, and generally just awesome.)

But today, he went with me...

The children's choir performed their Christmas musical today and it was soooo sweet. I actually didn't realize it was happening this morning since we have been out so much with colds and travel. I went to the first service while Warren stayed home with sick Baby E and Bp, and I was so impressed that I left a little bit early and drove home to get Benjamin to bring him back to the second service. He was so excited to go with me to hear the children sing. He clapped after every song and said, "good job, boys and girls". He made it ever so patiently up until about 5 minutes before the ending. It was just such a happy moment for me to be able to bring him in the sanctuary to witness all the other children praising God through their voices.

A true friend

2010-12-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned on fb (Isn't it interesting how popular social networks are that I feel free to type fb knowing that you will all read "facebook" while scanning the sentence. Funny.) that I was so incredibly glad that Benjamin has had such a sweet friend to play with for the past two years. (And it's also funny that they're here today driving me absolutely crazy because the baby is asleep and they are so LOUD.) I'm sure some people who read my status just read it and thought "yeah, that's great... blahblahblah". Well, I will delve a bit deeper as to why I posted that comment and why I truly, deeply meant that I absolutely adore Maddie and why she is such a special little girl.

Sometime last month I was invited by a friend to attend a support group for parents of children with disabilities. The group dynamic was extremely diverse, but the majority of the parents were those of children diagnosed with ASD. One of the parents whose child was 9 or 10 spoke up and asked the group what she should have said to her child when he asked her, "When will I get a real friend?". This mom was almost in tears asking that question and I couldn't help but to think how incredibly fortunate we have been to have had Maddie in our lives for two years. It is so important for children with ASD to have established routines and consistent interaction with the same children, and Maddie is such a gentle, smart little girl. Benjamin literally screamed around other children and clung to me for dear life before he met Maddie. From the first day that she stayed with us, he has loved her and they have been genuine friends. Their relationship has set the foundation for future relationships and for that I am infinitely indebted to the Beasley family.

bye bye Daddy

2010-11-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Every Thursday after speech, Benjamin and I stop by CFA and grab lunch for all of us and bring it back home. Warren is usually starving by 11am since he rarely eats breakfast, and it is sort of like a treat for him since he stays home with Ethan, whom he refers to as "the screaming baby". (He's not that bad, just so you know.) So anyway, Benjamin stole Warren's coke and was walking around the house with it and we hardly ever allow him to drink caffeinated beverages, much less one with carbonation and caffeine. We had an incident about a year ago with carbonation that was not pretty. Yuck. So, he was walking around with it and Warren was getting ready to go to work and Benjamin sits the coke on the desk way away from Warren and says "bye bye Daddy.... bye bye..." and then looks at him as if to say, "What? This is mine, not yours.".... oh my gosh it was hilarious. And I guess you would have just had to have been here to witness the whole thing, but Benjamin usually makes a big ordeal about Warren leaving for work. He follows him to the door and has a two hug minimum and sometimes a call back from the truck for one more hug. It's sweet. So for him to just say bye bye like that with his coke in hand was just a riot!

Eyes of God

2010-10-25T07:06:00.000-07:00

Children are awesome, aren't they? They are incredibly accepting (well, until a certain age, I think) and see the most miraculous creations of God. We as adults tend to be blinded by all the complexities of life. Children truly see people and objects as God sees them. Well, Benjamin does anyway. I love that kid. And not only because he's my child, but because he is my teacher. He has taught me so much more than I could ever teach him. Sure, I'm teaching him letters, numbers, and eventually how to tie his shoes, but he is teaching me acceptance, joyfulness, and creativity.

A sampling of my personal favorites this week:

Acceptance: A little boy lives across the street from us and we've actually never met, so I can't say for sure how old he is, but he looks around seven. He walks to school, and I'm assuming that he's walking over to the local elementary school. We see him quite frequently as he leaves around the same time that we start loading up the car for preschool. He is very polite and always says good morning and generally just looks like a good kid. He is quite short and is just a wee bit chubby around the middle. (which is precious to me) Benjamin gets in the car today and rubs his tummy and says, "I like it". "What do you like, Benjamin?" "That boy. I like his tummy." and then rubs his tummy again and smiles.

Joyfulness: We love to go for walks in the afternoon, usually sometime between 3 and 4:30. This is of course the time that I should be making dinner arrangements because it takes forever to cook when you have two small children, but whatever, it makes him happy and Ethan takes a little nap in the stroller and it makes me feel better, too. Benjamin has the same routine, the same route, and it gets quite boring for me sometimes, but I don't mind too much because while we're walking I'm envisioning wearing smaller pants this winter. So as we're coming around the corner of the loop, he shouts, "Look, a purple leaf! Mommy, it's a purple leaf!" Just the look in his eyes made me completely break down in tears. And it makes me cry a little just thinking about it again. He was so incredibly joyful for this purple leaf. One purple leaf. I can't wait until the whole tree turns.

Creativity: Ethan has had a runny nose off and on for weeks now, so I've had to suction his nose with one of those bulb things. No idea what they're actually called. Benjamin walks downstairs carrying the bulb and says, "paint, Mommy, we need paint." And I ask why and he says, "for this pumpkin" and he bends the long part of this suction thing down to look like a pumpkin stem and just laughs about it. He amuses me so much.

Magic Stick

2010-10-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

Scene: Mommy is loading dishwasher and little boy is playing in pantry.

Little Boy: Mommy, look, I have magic sticks.
Mommy: Mmhm, that's great.
Little Boy: No, Mommy, LOOK.
Mommy: Benjamin, those are batteries. That's not really a toy.
Little Boy: Yes, I know. They're magic sticks. Not a toy. A magic stick.

content

2010-09-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

So, my little sugar buggar is doing so well. I can't even imagine life as it used to be. Benjamin is such a typical little boy now. He still has his quirks- don't misunderstand me, but he is very VERY normal from the outside perspective. He still has a delay in speaking and he does echo a lot of his language, but for right now, I am content with his development. He is such a sweet child. I really couldn't ask for more in that department.

almost voluntary vegan

2010-08-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

So Benjamin goes without dairy, but that part is controlled by me; his lack of meat eating is controlled by him. What is it with some kids and meat? No idea where this odd behavior comes from considering that Warren is a meatatarian. I mean he should be on the Hillshire meat commercials where the guys are standing around grilling shouting "go meat!". They are seriously missing out on him being in their commercials. Maybe I should give them a call one day.

Also, is there an end to how much peanut butter a toddler will consume? I mean really. Thank God Benjamin isn't allergic to peanut butter because we'd be in some serious trouble otherwise.

GFCF for good

2010-07-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

Benjamin ate something somewhere with either milk or wheat, or probably both considering the severity of the incident, but he was completely hysterical Wednesday. He woke up at 3am that morning and was awake until 11pm that night, which obviously made the situation a million times worse. Poor kid. Poor Mommy.

There are tons of research studies stating that the diet does or does not work, but it works 100% of the time for my child. I don't know what causes it and nor do I care, but when he ingests milk or wheat, he is a completely different child. All of his symptoms are a million times worse and his stomach is upset for days. He obviously has issues with those substances. There are so many different types of autistic behaviors and definitely a spectrum of severity, hence the Autism Spectrum Disorder label, but there has to be something to this food issue with some of the people with the condition. You'd think that with so many people affected there would be more research done on food, but for some reason researchers never want to blame food for ANYTHING. It's annoying.

Pretend play

2010-06-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

Pretend play is HUGE in the world of autism. Either your child never grasps the concept or is extremely slow at picking it up. Benjamin is one of the lucky ones that has fully grasped the concept and it is so amazing to watch. He has done bits and pieces of it in the past couple of months, but not with any regularity. About five weeks ago he came up to me with a strawberry on the end of his finger and said "it's a pop". He calls popsicles pops. The reason why it's a big deal is because he knows that it is indeed a strawberry and not a popsicle. The significant factor is that he turned the strawberry into a pretend item. He was so incredibly pleased with himself. I actually have it on video and if I can figure out how to link it blogger then I'll post it.

Words that string into sentences

2010-05-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

Benjamin has words upon words spilling out of his precious little mouth. Have I ever mentioned how adorable his little mouth is? Well, it is. Looks like mine if I do say so, and mine looks like my Grandmother's. That's as far back as I can go with that.

So I can't even keep up with his sentences anymore! I need to start writing them down because it's so amazing that I know I will want to look back one day soon and see how far we've come. It is always so comforting to look back at where we once were and compare it to where we are now. Benjamin started saying his first whole sentences (I love you Mommy, a cow says moo) in the middle of January. Now he's using the I, me, my, and your pronouns and it's just so strange sometimes to sit and have an actual conversation with him. He is using "W" words more often with meaning (Where the truck, Mommy?") and apparently that is a huge deal says his speech teacher. He does repeat quite a bit of words and some of his language mannerisms are definitely off a bit such as the pause between words (and this may or may not ever change), but that's okay with me. There are multitudes of parents who would love to be in my shoes and hear their child say that they love them. I am blessed beyond measure.

Wildly unpopular parenting

2010-03-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

So the last post I touched a little on my dislike for unsolicited advice. At the end of the post I promised to post more about our choices for Benjamin and how these choices have impacted our lives. Many of our decisions are very unpopular and are met with great disdain, which always takes me by surprise because as much as I love my own friends, I don't sit around and think about how their lives are different than ours. Every family situation is unique and when you find a system that works best for your family, you should just do it regardless of how other people may feel about it. And to top it off, you shouldn't feel guilty for those decisions that you know in your heart to be the best choices for your family. And furthermore, the decisions that people make for their family should not be taken as an insult if your lifestyle or previous parenting style is a bit different. Your style is not my style and my style is not the next person's style. Again, embrace differences as just that- a difference of opinion.

One of the main decisions that we've made is about co-sleeping. I've posted on it before. Seems to still be an issue though. Benjamin was a terrible sleeper as an infant. We tried absolutely everything under the sun and when he was six weeks old, I brought him to bed with me out of pure exhaustion. For starters, I had a terrible delivery and a rough time recovering from surgery, so having an infant that quite literally required to be fed every two hours was too much for me to handle. This two hours is from start time to start time, so it was more like every hour and a half at most. I slept in his rocking chair about 75% of the time. There were days where I was so sleepy it was seriously dangerous for me to even drive. My house was a wreck (thank God I had a dishwasher) and we barely ate normal meals until he was six months old. So anyway, enough was enough, and he slept with us and was peaceful at last. He finally slept more than 5 hours a night when he was six months old. And when I tell you that we tried EVERYTHING, I am serious. Do you really think that people enjoy having their children sleep with them? A couple of years later, we learned that Benjamin is a sensory seeker and enjoys constant touch. Even to this day he sleeps better when he is right beside me. He can be clear across the bed and will move in his sleep towards me by midnight or so. No, I do not think that it works for every family or every child. Some children are wonderful sleepers and are exceptionally happy sleeping on their own. May all parents everywhere be blessed with that situation! (Maybe I can get myself one of those children one day.) Given Benjamin's medical situation, it really is the best decision as far as sleeping goes that we could have made. Being secure at night enables him to learn and grow during the day. I truly believe that co-sleeping is one of the keys that has unlocked the door to Benjamin's brain. I understand him, he understands me. People with neuro-typical children have a really hard time understanding how important that is because they have never had to deal with it first hand. Benjamin is making strides far greater than most children with autism can even dream of achieving. Statistically, he only had a 30% chance of speaking a normal language. Let's just think about that for a minute. That's 70% of people diagnosed who never speak. Isn't that something worth changing your life for? Is your child worth it to you? How much inconvenience are you willing to put up with? So you don't have as much room in your bed for a few years.... pretty small sacrifice in my book. Benjamin will eventually ask to sleep in his own bed and that will be fine with me. It's not a co-dependent relationship, trust me. In the meantime, we're okay that he is with us. Three quarters of the world agree with us.

Keeping up with the Gilliland's

2010-03-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

The dilemma of keeping up with the Jones' materialistic style has been going on for ages and ages and I've noticed that it has spilled into the parenting world as well. I'm sure this has been going on for ages and ages as well, but I was oblivious to the parenting world for almost 28 years, so forgive me if you have made this epiphany years ago. Just nod and agree and welcome me into your "normal" world because I am feeling more abnormal as the years progress.

So my main question that I really want answered is this: When did doing what's best for YOUR child become out of fashion? Seriously, I want to know.

My second question: Why do YOU think you know what is best for a child that is not your own? Unless solicited for advice, try your best to keep it zipped tight. It's fine to have differing opinions. In fact, I applaud differing opinions as it truly makes the world go 'round. But please, unless someone specifically asks you what your opinion is on their child, keep it to yourself. (And yes, this includes the best friend, the grandparent, the neighbor, any relative at all, the nice couple at church, etc.)

James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

This will be followed later by a more personal post on why we have made the decisions that we have made for Benjamin over the years and what has come from those decisions. Not everything we've done has been great, but we've made some wise choices for our family that are pretty unpopular. More to come.

A new song

2010-03-29T07:36:00.000-07:00

Now I've said this before and I'm sure that I'll say it again, but Warren and I are truly blessed parents.

Benjamin is the sweetest child that I know. And of course I am saying this because I am his Mother, but really, he's quite adorable. Over the last few years, I have spent countless hours educating myself on all things autism and am finally at peace with Benjamin's diagnosis and for his future. I've been at peace with his diagnosis for quite some time really, but not so much for his future.

Everybody knows the popular song "Mighty to Save". It's on the radio, you sing it at church, it's everywhere these days. I love that song and mentioned it on this blog last year sometime. The lyric "He can move the mountains" applies to so many people. Everybody has their own mountains to move and can embrace this song. However, I want to rewrite the song lyric to "He HAS moved the mountains".

Matthew 17:20: He told them, "Because of your lack of faith. I tell you with certainty, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

We asked the mountain to move and it did. He HAS moved the mountains.

Butter

2010-03-16T06:27:00.000-07:00

Smooth as butter! I just like butter. Eating it, talking about it, how ever I can get it. This post is actually about preschool and the transition going so well. So now that I've made you hungry...

It really could not have gone any better than it did. I only have praises of the school and his teachers. They love him, he loves them. It all works out! His last teachers loved him as well, so that part isn't a big shocker. I mean what's not to love about him? He's adorable. I think I've mentioned that before.

The only situation that still exists is getting to the car. That part is still rather difficult, but at least the walk is shorter and without the muddy parking lot and horrible parents. He cries when we have to leave... that part is funny to me a little bit. I need to pick him up a little earlier than the rest of the students get picked up because he tends to get overwhelmed with all the kids leaving at once and the parents all milling around. He rolls himself into a ball in the floor of the main room and parents look at me as if Benjamin were an alien. He doesn't start the screaming until we get into the parking lot, so that at least it isn't too loud. :)

Oh, and yesterday they had Chapel (which they do every Monday) and I went a little early and sat in the back so I could watch without being seen and it was too precious. The minister and the school director were putting on a puppet show for the students. Benjamin was sitting on the lap of one of his teachers and was clapping at the songs (a little after the appropriate spots, but hey, nobody is perfect) and singing. I was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't running around the aisles doing some sort of chicken dance. His teachers always have this bewildered look when I am surprised that he is "sweet" at school. Of course I do know that children always are better behaved when they are somewhere else other than home. I know this to be the definition of crazy.

New preschool

2010-02-24T11:04:00.000-08:00

So six months ago I was scared to take Benjamin to preschool and here I've come full circle excited about taking him to a new one! We've decided to move him in attempts to avoid the transition drama this summer. This one will be closer to the house, but will obviously cost money since it is a private preschool. My time is definitely worth the money spent though, I must say. My time will especially be worth it this summer when our littlest lamb arrives. The whole evolution takes about two hours. Seriously, preschool is only three hours long. Oooh, and the best part- Benjamin finally gets to go to school in the morning and will have the ability to take an afternoon nap if needed/wanted. My goodness, we will be like normal preschoolers. What are we going to do with ourselves? I think that I might miss my Friday afternoon Mexican lunches, but I suppose I could keep him in extended care for an hour or so.... haha.

This preschool is completely mainstream, so wish us luck on that part. I think he'll do just fine.

Snapshot of our day

2010-02-08T06:22:00.000-08:00

I would love to own one of those toddler leashes cleverly disguised as a backpack. (Or rather NOT cleverly disguised.) I'm only half kidding. Do they come in a husky size?

Benjamin genuinely needs a nap most days of the week, but alas, afternoon preschool inhibits such nap. There are days when he passes out in the car on the way home and can then be transferred to bed if I'm lucky. So needless to say, when three o'clock rolls around and I'm there to pick him up at school, he is a *nightmare*. He falls apart the minute he sees me and turns into this terror toddler that I thought I'd never have. He runs through the hallways and refuses to hold my hand in the parking lot, which is extremely busy. I basically have to inflict pain on him because I'm holding his hand/arm so tight. He screams "NO, MY HAND" all the way to the car and makes me look like some sort of child abuser. I usually just laugh because the mere thought of people thinking that I abuse my child makes me hysterical. We are the ones who get the darted glances at a special preschool. The thought of that also makes me laugh. People with disabled children are looking at us, judging us, and are secretly grateful that they aren't in my shoes. The irony of that is just off the charts to me. (Although by definition Benjamin is disabled, we have never thought of him in that sense.)

It takes about five minutes from the time that I pick him up from his class to the time that he is safely belted in to get him back to his normal self. He's half asleep by the time I leave the street the school is on. Either that or he's so wired that he shrieks and laughs at the billboards all the way home. So this five minutes of hell getting to the car is a snapshot of our day that people see and probably expect to be my normal routine with him all day. It lead me to think about the snapshots that I witness as well throughout the day with strangers and even friends. I think we all judge snapshots a little too hastily, especially with our friends. We have even higher standards for our friends and their parenting skills than we do for strangers and we judge them way too often. It really is a constant battle for most people and if they tell you otherwise they probably aren't being honest with themselves. I think this judgment of our friends comes from disappointment in their parenting skills, but really, who are we to judge?

So, my snapshot at 3:00 has been the ultimate lesson learned that things aren't always what they seem.

My soapbox

2010-02-06T13:29:00.000-08:00

This was posted last year. I still feel the same way as I did then. Sometimes it's nice to recycle.

Okay, brace yourselves for this one...I'll just admit it to all of you now, I love my kid. I enjoy being a parent. No, this is not some sort of weird mantra.

How about using that as a conversation starter as opposed to the usual phrases... and we all know what those phrases are so I won't be posting them here. Really think about what you say about your children. They are not miniature adults and should not be spoken about as such. Most people say nicer things about their pets than their children when asked.

If you think your children have bad attitudes, take a good long look at their surroundings. What do they see? What do they hear? If I've learned anything from Benjamin it's that his bad days are my bad days.

I've never said my days were easy with Benjamin... and I have done my share of complaining about his behaviors... but never once have I resented him and the time it takes to care for him. Being a stay at home parent is challenging for anyone from time to time. Learn to embrace those challenges instead of simply complaining about them.

So I just might be on top of my soapbox, but that's what a blog is for, right? It's your choice to read it. :)

Honey, we lost the toys!

2010-02-01T18:14:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't it be nice to lose some of the toys your children accumulate? I find myself picking up toys all day long in almost every room of the house. We bought Benjamin blocks because that is just what parents are supposed to do, right? We're supposed to encourage their block stacking skills. Something inside us makes us drive to the store and buy these awful, multiplying-on-their-own-at-night toys. We squeal with delight when our children learn to stack them! We certainly squeal later on as well when we're stepping all over them and almost break our necks falling down.

Oh, but to see the joy in your child's eye when he sees a number he recognizes on the block and brings it over to show you and shouts, "FOUR!" is ever so worth nearly breaking your neck.

Sharing: a four letter word

2010-01-27T08:01:00.000-08:00

How did we get to the age of three without major sharing battles? We thought that we were sooo lucky because Benjamin never snatched toys from other children and hardly minded when they played with his toys- even his favorite ones! We thought that he just knew that the toys were his and that the kids were only borrowing them. HA! How funny a statement is that? A toddler born having the ability to share. How hilarious.

It started about two weeks ago on a Friday afternoon. I picked him up from school and he was beyond irritable because he still needs a nap, but afternoon preschool starts at 12 and ends at 3, so that leaves no time for a nap. He could use one about every other day or every day if he nighttime sleep was less than adequate. So there we were, wrestling in the parking lot with each other (almost quite literally) and trying to load up to go home. I moved his cup from one hand to the other so I could snap the car seat and he screamed, "NO, MY CUP!". I sat for a moment and looked at him and sort of chalked it up to him being sleepy because he'd never said that before in the thousand times or so that I'd done the very same thing to his cup. All in the name of safe driving, I tell you. Sheesh.

The next Monday I pick him up and go to grab his book bag and he runs at me and yells, "NO, MY BACKPACK" and almost starts crying about it. I mean seriously, does the kid really think that I'm going to take his backpack from him? Yes, I think he really does.

He adores his friend Maddie who comes over several times a week. There are a few specific toys that are entirely off-limits to her now. Bless her heart. I'm thinking of just putting them up because neither one of them really understand that the other isn't out to get them. Benjamin thinks that Maddie is trying to take the toy home forever and ever and Maddie thinks that Benjamin is just being mean and not sharing. Sometimes it just isn't worth the arguments over silly toys. They do love each other and are happily content 95% of the time, so I think that is a nice percentage for two toddlers. :)

I'm not saying that preschool caused these out bursts, but um, yeah, I'm saying that they did. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and it is odd with us that it is happening much later than the normal age for toddlers. He's around more children at school and more children equals greater the tendency for snatching toys. Having said that, Benjamin truly needs social interaction with children. He needs to learn how to cooperate and handle social situations and that is something that I could never provide at home. I can teach him a million things, but learning how to make friends with peers is something that has to come from consistent time with other children at school. I would include church, but the children and time there isn't consistent enough for him. He needs to see the same faces and locations over and over.

So sharing is now a four letter word in our house according to Benjamin. I know, this too shall pass.

Autism, first signs and symptoms

2010-01-19T19:31:00.000-08:00

Over the past 14 months, people have asked us why we "thought" Benjamin was autistic. After dealing with the grieving part of the diagnosis (and trust me, it is a grieving process for many people), and after fully acknowledging the diagnosis, we used to take that question with insult. With time, we have come to realize that it is actually a compliment to his therapists and all the time that we have invested into his well-being. Surely all those books I read were for something other than being more educated. Usually the next questions that people tend to ask are, "What were the first symptoms" and "Do you think my child should be evaluated?". I will tell you that even though I am an expert at Benjamin's symptoms, I am not an expert on all things autistic. I can explain why we originally had Benjamin tested and hopefully that will clear up some questions and/or confusion as to why we "thought" he was autistic when he was diagnosed, which was 21 months.

First off, I will explain the criteria and the testing that is involved. The testing is quite extensive if performed by an actual team of doctors. It genuinely takes a team of people to diagnosis this disorder (especially if your child is at a young age) and if you ever receive a diagnosis from a single person, please seek counsel with another practice. The team usually consists of a Developmental Pediatrician, a Speech Pathologist, and a Pediatric Psychologist. If you were referred to this team by another Speech Pathologist, you may not see that particular field represented again. The child basically is tested in the form of play. You can see an abbreviated list of the test at http://www.firstsigns.org/downloads/m-chat.PDF. The actual list that the doctors use is much more extensive and takes about an hour or so depending on how cooperative the child is. Benjamin's test and evaluation disclosure took about two hours. If you have found yourself getting evaluated by your local school system (if you used their services for speech delay or any other delays), you owe it to your child to go and see an actual M.D. for further testing. They use the same types of tests, but insurance companies require a diagnosis from a doctor. Having said that, the school system will help you regardless of a diagnosis, but the world opens up to children with something in writing from a doctor. And when I say the world opens up, I'm talking about money for therapy- it's all about the bottom dollar with insurance companies.

Note that some of these symptoms were not immediately recognized by either Warren or myself. Also, please do not be alarmed if your child has similar symptoms in some of the categories, which are social skills, language, and behavior. Some of the symptoms fit that of autistic children and that of neurotypical children- it's the number of symptoms in each category of the test that makes the difference. The label of Autistic Spectrum Disorder is just that- a spectrum, which means that some children will have some symptoms, some will have most symptoms, or in the rare occasion, some will have all the symptoms. Some of Benjamin's symptoms are pronounced and some are barely mentionable. And one more thing, all autistic children have sensory issues, but not all sensory issues label a child autistic. Children with slight language delay or no language delay at all with strong sensory issues tend to get diagnosed later in their life. That is another topic altogether.

Okay, so on to Benjamin's symptoms.

Social Skills:
1. Failed to point at the given milestone. This can be from pointing to pictures in a book to pointing to objects that the child finds interesting. Benjamin hated being read to. He had no interest and would push a book away when he was old enough to do so. He also did not look at things when we pointed either. Apparently this milestone is one of the more important ones.

2. Failed to make eye contact at the appropriate level. Neither one of us realized that Benjamin hardly looked at people. This isn't necessarily like the kids that you see on television- it isn't as if his eyes were all over the place and he couldn't focus. He just simply looked at other things when you were talking to him. Benjamin would look at you on HIS terms, and this is where we missed this milestone because he would in fact look at you.

3. Failed to recognize his name. Benjamin would turn to look at you when you spoke to him at the appropriate milestone marker, but we later learned that he was just looking up at the sound of our voice. He didn't recognize his name until 24 months and didn't acknowledge his name out loud until 33 months.

4. We had Benjamin's hearing tested at 18 months because we thought that he might have a hearing disorder. His behavior seemed to indicate that he simply couldn't hear you at times. He scored well within range of all the categories, but he did score below average in the low tones. It is difficult to administer a hearing test at 18 months and it was hard to decipher if he was simply bored with that part of the test or didn't hear the tones. He has since scored average in that category. He could always hear normal voice tones though.

5. At 18 months, Benjamin would not play with other children. He would sit in my lap when exposed to other children and refuse to interact with them. In fact, if another child even spoke to Benjamin, he would cling to me for dear life, bury his face, and scream.

6. (I think this one is listed as social) Benjamin did not do pretend play. This is another huge milestone that we missed. I didn't realize that not pretending to feed a baby, or a bear, or whatever you ask them to do that isn't real is a big deal. I just figured that he knew it wasn't real and what was the point? Autistic children are concrete thinkers- they know the bear isn't real and that they won't drink from the cup. They don't understand why you want them to make a fake bear drink.

Language: Note that it isn't necessarily the lack of language, but rather how language is used once acquiring the skills.

1. Benjamin said his first official word at 12-13 months and that was duck. He met all of the milestones for babbling and actually babbled excessively as an infant. He passed the "mama/dada" milestone with ease. By the time he was 16 months, he had "lost" all of his words, and what is meant by that is he completely stopped using them. He started grunting and pointing at 19 months or so. We saw his pediatrician for an ear infection at 18 months and were immediately referred to the Speech Pathologist, who immediately referred us to the Neuro Developmental Pediatrician.

2. Eye contact is listed again under language skills, but it is intended to correlate with making eye contact when speaking. Benjamin didn't speak, so obviously this category was checked because he neither spoke nor looked at you.

3. Benjamin has always had a pretty voice. Even babbling at 8 months, people would comment on how sweet his voice sounded. Later, this would turn into the "sing songy" category and now he still responds better if you sing your requests or questions to him.

4. Once gaining the ability to speak, Benjamin would repeat words over and over. This obviously didn't occur when he was diagnosed since he had no words, but since then he repeats phrases verbatim and uses them out of context rather frequently. For example, he will come up to you randomly and say "Yes, baby?" and this is him repeating me after another time when he will come up and say, "Mommy?". He uses the same inflection in his voice as when I ask him a question.

Behavior:

1. Benjamin was an early hand flapper. We thought that it was adorable when he was an infant. We have it on video actually. He would get on his knees and flap his hands and laugh and laugh. This obviously made us laugh and laugh. Note that stereotypes about handflapping do not necessarily correspond with what you see on television. (again, bad tv!) The kids on tv who handflap do not look happy. Benjamin was always happy when he did this. And also, it should be labeled arm flapping because it actually looks more like they're trying to fly versus just flapping their hands.

2. Benjamin moved constantly. We said so many times when he was an infant that he had baby ADHD. Now this we most definitely knew was different because we had other children to compare him to. We thought that he was oh so smart because he was always on the go, always exploring, always getting into something. We actually had to hold his hands when he was an infant because him own stimulation kept him from falling asleep. He still falls asleep quicker if you tuck him in to where his movement is restricted. (We untuck him after he falls asleep though.)

3. Benjamin loved to line anything up starting at 15 or 16 months. Now people always try to dispute me on this one because everybody knows a child that lines things up. Okay, now, the difference is that Benjamin would insist that these toys be lined up in a specific order and would get extremely irritated if you rearranged them. It's hardly likely that a neurotypical child at 16 months would spend that kind of time and energy lining up cars. They all had to be facing the right way. Benjamin was very intense with this.

4. Benjamin loved to spin the wheels of a large truck. Again, lots of people dispute this one, but it is more the way that the child plays with the toy rather than the act of spinning wheels. He would almost only spin the wheels of the truck and not play with the entire truck itself. He didn't roll the truck until 25 months. That thought just never occurred to him, and it isn't for lack of seeing them being rolled.

5. Benjamin hated loud noises. The vacuum cleaner would send him into a panic attack. Seriously, he would run to you and act as if he thought that the vacuum cleaner would eat him alive. He still hates the vacuum, but now he says the word "noise" and has a disgusted look on his face. Sometimes he still cries when we get it out. Any type of loud noise still bothers him to the point past that of a little distraction.

6. Benjamin was completely oblivious to pain. He could fall outside and be bloody from his knees down and not acknowledge it. He didn't run to us for comfort or act like it hurt in the least little bit. (This changed later when we altered his diet.) We thought we had ourselves a tough little guy.

7. Benjamin did not know how to appropriately play with his toys. Regular toys held little interest to him. This is why he has a billion toys. We thought that he just didn't like the toys that we had for him, even though they were definitely age appropriate. Most toys just frustrated him because they wouldn't do what he tried to make them do.

The classic behaviors that Benjamin had that did NOT fit autism were:
1. Benjamin loved to snuggle and demanded contact.
2. He did not enjoy sustained play.
3. He did not display excessive tantrums. (still doesn't thank goodness)
4. He smiled all the time. He laughed, he had fun, he was always a sweet child.
5. He understood body language. You smile, he smiled. Mad faces would illicit tears.
6. His muscle tone has always been extraordinary.

Benjamin achieved many milestones incredibly early and Warren and I thought that we had ourselves a baby genius. He was very strong as a newborn and infant. He could hold his head up at 2 days for extended periods of time. He was an extremely proficient crawler at 5 1/2 months. He could roll both ways in a locomotion fashion at 3 months. He was/is extremely mechanical. He is constantly figuring out how things work and how to use one toy to manipulate another toy. We took the handle off of our computer desk when he was 12 months old because he kept figuring out how to open the door and turn the computer off. He found a pencil somewhere in a different room and went high tailing to the computer, stuck it in the hole where the handle used to be, and opened the cabinet. This was at 12 months I tell you! Things like that were just so normal to us that we didn't really realize that they were abnormal. There are just so many things that were unusual that we didn't catch until later.

Benjamin has been through speech therapy for a year and has made vast improvements. His diet is gluten free/casein free and that has made more difference than anything else we've done. So I hope that clears up any questions that you may have. If not, there are some awesome websites out there. One of the more in depth ones-

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/autism/complete-index.shtml

Cooties

2010-01-18T11:58:00.001-08:00

Belong at home. Please don't think that we all want your cooties. This is one thing that children really aren't required to share. Actually, I invite you to pamper yourself and the rest of your family to your own cooties. Have some "me" time with them regardless if you've earned them or not. It's okay, really. We won't mind this one time. Honest.

Wal-mart

2010-01-12T18:09:00.000-08:00

Let me start off by saying that we don't frequent Wal-mart that often, and especially not with Benjamin in tow. So the other day Benjamin was sitting at the computer watching a Thomas episode and he switched the screen to Facebook and pointed to the ad on the side and said, "Wal-mart". I thought maybe it was a fluke and I just looked at him and he said it again. I asked him where was Wal-mart and he pointed to the ad. That is the craziest thing, isn't it? He rarely watches any television with commercials, so it is doubtful that it came from there.

Somehow that place can get inside the brain of a child who can't read. :)

A true blessing

2010-01-11T11:22:00.000-08:00

Preschool is working out marvelously. Who would have thought? Benjamin now tells me to "sit down, circle time" and it is the cutest thing ever. EVER. I mean baby bunnies and ducks do not even begin to compare with this kid. (I do like fluffy animals though.) I was watching a video of him from over the summer and fall and it really hit me how many words he has now compared to then. We still get excited over a single new word like we're brand spanking new parents with their new baby learning how to coo and smile. I know that I say this often, but perspective plays such a big role in parenting a child with any type of special need.

Benjamin has one classmate whom I have never heard speak a single word and she is rather frail looking. I'm not really at liberty to ask the teacher what her condition is, but I'm assuming it's probably more than speech. Most of the kids at the school are at a minimum significantly speech delayed. Last week, we were coming out of the library to join up with the rest of the kids from Bp's class (All of the other kids ride a bus to school, but I'm just not interested in that just yet.) and she shouted "Ben!". And now we all know that we never, EVER call him Ben at home, but I let it slide at school. I know he'll probably go by Ben as an adult, but he'll always be Benjamin to us. His sweet teacher said that she'd never heard this little girl speak that loudly about anything. She said all of the children in the class just love Benjamin and they have all adopted him and that he brings out the best in all of them. Um, I'd give that a A for socialization!

Benjamin really is a sweet child. I have read many books on autism and the positive and negative effects on children. Benjamin has truly absorbed all of the positive effects and very, very little of the negative ones. I seriously do not know a more compassionate child than Benjamin, autistic or not. It is really rare to find an autistic child with compassion, empathy, and outward love for others. We are so blessed to have him as our child.

Dory fish

2009-12-31T12:15:00.000-08:00

Benjamin brought me his Dory fish this morning and wanted me to give it a kiss. You know, the blue one from Finding Nemo. Warren started laughing and asked me if I remembered what Benjamin used to call it, and I had completely forgotten that he used to call her something else. He would pick the fish up and hold it right to his face and say the same word over and over. It was really precious at the time. Warren finally recalled that Benjamin used to call her baby, but it sounded more like Baybay. He actually called all fish baybays. I vaguely recall writing something about it, or maybe I just wanted to write something about it. (It really seems like a lot of my blogging only occurs in my head. Too bad I'm the only one who can read those posts.) We both started laughing and Warren asked Benjamin if he had his baybay and Benjamin looked up at him like he was crazy and said, "Dory".

Benjamin has come such a long way this year. And to think that we were concerned that he'd never speak...

It has been such a wonderful year for us. Happy New Year!

P.S. I found it on the Feb 4, 2009 post about his babies. Too funny.

times two

2009-11-26T06:03:00.001-08:00

Since this blog is specifically about being a Mom and the trials and joys that come along with it, I must say that I need to update the title to My days being a Mamma, times two.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope that you'll all be with your family and friends and enjoying some yummy Thanksgiving food today.

Little boys + dirt = fun

2009-11-02T13:18:00.001-08:00

Benjamin had a great day in preschool today! Yay! He didn't look like he had been crying for three hours straight when I picked him up. Yay! These are good things. He looked so adorable and I wish I had a good picture to show you, but the only one I have is one taken from my cellphone and he was running while it was taken. He had his little backpack on and he was carrying his lunchbox in his hand. He looked like a tiny little Kindergarten student. We were walking out to the car and the ground was a bit soggy and full of mud puddles. There is one mud puddle there that is particularly large and the school has attempted to fix it a number of times, but the rain keeps restricting their progress. It was completely full of water and Benjamin sees it, forgets that it is about thigh high deep on him, and goes running for it. Meanwhile, I'm screaming "NOOO", but it's too late... he plunges face forward in this puddle mainly because his hands are otherwise occupied by aforementioned backpack and lunchbox. I get over in front of him and he looks up at me and starts to cry and I bust out laughing and he starts smiling... mud in his teeth and all. I wish I had a picture of that.

Little Miracle November 1

2009-11-01T16:43:00.001-08:00

So many of you know from my facebook post that Benjamin was horrible Halloween afternoon/evening. The weather didn't exactly cooperate, so we had to change his costume around to a dinosaur who lives in the tropics (hah to my friend Raven) from just a regular dinosaur who lives elsewhere. (Where did they live, anyway?) So he had green shorts and a green shirt with scales that were made out of felt and a tail that was oh so adorable... and shoe coverings that I actually took the time to sew toenails on. Okay, well, I didn't exactly sew them on, I just used stitch witchery. Still, there was an effort made. :) So I put the costume on him and he went hysterical. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with those scales and literally ripped them off his shirt. I'm pretty sure he'd have gone for the scales on the shorts, but I saved them before the complete massacre could occur. I figure somebody can wear it sometime. Maybe he'll wear it for dress up one day.

So I had to sit and breathe and try not to get upset. Meanwhile, Warren was off getting candy for him because I had forgotten that Benjamin wouldn't actually be able to eat any of the candy that was given to him. Well, unless they gave him skittles or something like that, but I didn't want to take any chances of him not being able to eat any of it. He rarely gets candy. We still had Easter skittles in the pantry that I just threw last week. It had occurred to me much later that he really did do me a favor by not wanting to go out. He was sooo excited to see all the little kids come to the door dressed up. He particularly liked the little girls dressed as fairies. I think he thought that were actual fairies and that they were coming to see him specifically...and he had the most precious smile on his face. I'm not sure that he would have enjoyed them as much if we had been out walking around. So that sweet smile made up for the dinosaur massacre.

Preschool week

2009-10-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

So Benjamin started school this week. He is going three days a week whereas the rest of his class goes five days a week. I'm pretty sure their parents are just reaping the rewards for free childcare though. Oops, I didn't say that. Disregard that horrible, yet probably truthful comment.

I have been very conflicted about the school situation for quite a few weeks, and it didn't bother me much that we had to wait a bit longer than we had originally thought. We were delayed for the school physical, shots, and then someone who processes paperwork for the special preschool went on vacation. But alas, we finally did get the call that he was placed into an afternoon class right in the middle of his usual nap time. Now there are some days where Benjamin doesn't take a nap, but those days are downright horrible most of the time. We both need for him to take a nap. :) So we're still working out the kinks with his new schedule. He was up at 5am this morning bouncing off the walls. Greeeat.

So back to the major conflict that keeps bouncing around in my head. Warren and I had always assumed that Benjamin would go to preschool, but not at any type of special school. We expected him to go to a preschool that was part of a church as most preschools are around here and everywhere else that we'd want to live. Now most of these start at age 3 and require children to be potty trained, and I can assure you that Benjamin most definitely won't be potty trained by the time he's three. Miracles do happen, I realize, but that is just something that I'm not expecting to happen anytime soon. So anyway, we expected him to be at a school that was christian based and to send him to public school has been rather difficult for us to do. We don't know these teachers and what types of influences Benjamin is being subjected to while he's there. And what about the other kids? Are they all crazy or why exactly are they there? Those were my doubts before I dropped him off on Monday.

All these doubts start to creep up and I have been trying to squash them down all week. It occurred to me this morning that this school is not daycare. The teachers are not daycare workers. They are all trained professionals with many more degrees than I have obtained.... and these kids are there because they need help with whatever their particular handicap is. I saw several children who were blind and they were walking around with their little canes and each had their own aides and it occurred to me that their parents might have thought the same thing when they enrolled their child- that they didn't want to send their kid who was "only" blind to a school filled with crazy kids.

It takes a special kind of person to be a special education teacher and I can't help but to believe that God puts each and every one of them in their profession whether they acknowledge that or not. All of Benjamin's teachers are very sweet people and we really have no complaints thus far. Benjamin has been extremely happy after school, so as long as that persists, I'm right there with him.

my cup runneth over

2009-10-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

I have always loved that phrase. My version would be "my teacup runneth over", but the original line comes from Psalms 23:5- You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

My cup always runs over when it concerns Benjamin. Having a child with any sort of disability really gives you so much perspective, I think. The small things make us so happy. It delights us when Benjamin points to a ball and says ball and when we respond with "yes, that's a blue ball" and he responds back with "blue ball" it just sends us over the moon. We were told last year that he may never communicate with words, so any word at all is still exciting. He has about 30 words that he uses spontaneously now, so it is definitely clear that he will indeed talk. His speech therapist placed him in the average 24 month old category for speech, so we're definitely thrilled about that.

I know that there are peaks and valleys with child rearing, but a little perspective can make all the difference in how you view and treat your child. Encourage them in their strengths and recognize their weaknesses as just that- a weakness. Perhaps focusing on their strengths will help them overcome those weaknesses. Time will tell for us all, I suppose.

Being proud.

2009-09-24T11:01:00.001-07:00

Aren't we all proud of our children whey they master a goal you've set for them or accomplish a difficult task for their developmental level? And if we're truly honest, aren't we a bit proud of ourselves as well? Yes, most of us are indeed proud. This is a dangerous path to follow. Be careful in that you are not proud of yourself as a parent, but proud of Christ who resides in you that gives you the wisdom to parent such a wonderful, amazing child.

Furthermore, be careful in that you value the talents your children have as gifts from God and not gifts from you. He has given your child special talents, big and small, and absolutely none of them come from you. Some of their talents may mimic yours, and this is without coincidence because it enables you to enjoy your time together, but it still is not from you. Praise God for giving your children such special talents and for giving YOU special talents in which to teach them how to use their gifts in a spiritual way.

James 4:6 God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

Grace is for sure a good thing.

So it's offical now....

2009-09-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

... Benjamin is indeed medically short, which is better than just "his mother thinks he's short, short"...? Anyway, he's now below the 5%, so that means it's time to get checked out. One would think that we loooooved going to Portsmouth Hospital, but we really do not. We're not sure who we're seeing this time as the cause for this could be numerous. We went in for his school physical last week and they charted his height and looked at me as if I were in the wrong for not mentioning it earlier. Sheesh, I have been mentioning it. Haven't they read my blog and/or facebook posts? I mean who do these doctors think they are dealing with? heh...

So we have to go back in to see his regular pediatrian who will then send us to Portsmouth. I know, I know, walk here to run there and sit for thirty minutes. Now get up and spin. Now squat. Now jump like a frog. This is the military referral system, folks. It's free, but painful sometimes.

I do however have full confidence in the specialists there. All of the doctors we have dealt with in the past have been wonderful. Let's hope for the same experience in figuring out what the deal is with my little shorty.

google

2009-09-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

Benjamin has grown very little in the past year. His weight and height are almost identical to last November. If you've ever seen Benjamin, it's obvious that the weight issue is not a problem at all. He is the average sized, chunky little toddler. Little being the operative word since he's at the 8% for height. This of course was not a problem last November because his percentile then hovered around the 50% mark. The closer he gets to three at this height, the more likely it will be that he will be tested for various things just to rule out anything serious. It may just be that he's short. Only time will tell as doctors do not appear concerned until the percentile mark gets below 5%.

Now everyone knows that I am a planner. It seems like I plan to plan sometimes. So of course I google everything that could cause children to become short or stop growing. The list goes on and on and some are serious and some are not so serious. The result of internet googling can go in a wrong direction rather quickly. Suddenly, it seems as if every listed symptom is showing up right before your eyes. "Child has very wide set eyes and a blue tongue." Surely Benjamin's had a blue tongue recently, right? With a far off glaze and vacant expression, you actually begin to believe that your child is turning into a chowchow. Now that is not actually a short stature symptom, thank goodness, but you get where I'm going with that.

It's okay if he's always short. I think he's quite adorable that way. Let's just hope that he's short just because he is.

Revelation

2009-08-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

So the other day it occurred to me just how easy life is these days. I just woke up and realized that Benjamin is a thousand times "better" than he used to be. A year ago and he was such a bear most of the time. Everyone knows that he's always been an active child (understatement of the year) and that his attention span has always been short, but it seems as if the older he gets, the easier life gets with him. I have always heard most Moms complain that the older the child gets, the harder life seems to be, so I'm ecstatic to say the complete opposite is happening with us. It's not an ordeal to take him to the grocery store anymore. We can go to the park and he will play with other children. I can do housework and not be scared that he's hanging from the chandelier.

Life is good, folks. I have no complaints.

Sleep

2009-08-11T13:10:00.000-07:00

Sleep is such a popular pastime for people. Over the last two years, I have often thought that sleep is past my time rather than it being my pastime. Lots of children have sleep disorders and drag their parents along the way. Warren and I often wonder how it is possible to have more than one child. And what I mean by that is how is it possible to have the energy to raise more than one child... because the two of us can not comprehend what is it like to have a child that sleeps through the night more than two consecutive nights. We know lots of people with two and three children and they all seem normal. Sure they complain about losing sleep, but they continued to have children and some still see more children to come in the future. I'm pretty sure they're hepped up on coffee for most of the waking hours of the day though.

When people ask me if I want more children, I would love to answer with an emphatic "YES," but honestly... I don't answer that way at all. This is just our season, I know. I KNOW.

Soapbox

2009-07-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, brace yourselves for this one...I'll just admit it to all of you now, I love my kid. I enjoy being a parent. No, this is not some sort of weird mantra.

How about using that as a conversation starter as opposed to the usual phrases... and we all know what those phrases are so I won't be posting them here. Really think about what you say about your children. They are not miniature adults and should not be spoken about as such. Most people say nicer things about their pets than their children when asked.

If you think your children have bad attitudes, take a good long look at their surroundings. What do they see? What do they hear? If I've learned anything from Benjamin it's that his bad days are my bad days.

I've never said my days were easy with Benjamin... and I have done my share of complaining about his behaviors... but never once have I resented him and the time it takes to care for him. Being a stay at home parent is challenging for anyone from time to time. Learn to embrace those challenges instead of simply complaining about them.

So I just might be on top of my soapbox, but that's what a blog is for, right? It's your choice to read it. :)

It is well

2009-05-25T18:59:00.000-07:00

Benjamin had his six month check up with his neuro pediatric doctor last week. It's just a simple office visit very similar to a well-baby exam, but he sees a specialist instead of a regular pediatrician. The office is inside a hospital, which is a little scary for me to be honest. Every time we go, I'm very aware of the fact that his office is inside of a hospital, which houses sick people. Now there are tons of clinics there as well, but those clinics aren't my concern when I'm taking Benjamin there. All I can think of is that we're required to go to a hospital for my child to see a brain doctor. Some days I forget that Benjamin is different, but not on the days when we go see Dr. Stuart.

The visit was uneventful in terms of a medical perspective. No tests, no bloodwork. Just some questions from the doctor and another scheduled appointment at the end of the year. Dr. Stuart asked us questions about Benjamin's behavior on a day to day basis and it finally dawned on me what a different child he is compared to last November. He has a language delay, but that is probably the only noticeable factor at this point that he is different from any other child his age. Does he have tantrums when he doesn't get his 5th popsicle for the day? Sure. (they're sugar free, by the way.) Is he cranky when he is sleepy? Sure. Does he not like to come inside when he's having so much more fun outside? Sure. The differences: Does he bang his head on the ground repeatedly? No. Does he cry when other children simply enter the room? No. Does he physically push books away from you? No.

Benjamin is leaps and bounds a different child, but it's been so gradual that we didn't notice that he's more normal than abnormal at this point. Sure he still lines up his toys and loves to spin the wheels on his cars, but that isn't going to put him in a special school. Quirky people fill the world and my child is just going to make it a bit fuller.

I have said so many times how profound song lyrics are in my life, and as I was walking out of that hospital, I could not help but to think of this hymn.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

A new day, a new word.

2009-04-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

Benjamin has so many words now! I can't express how relieved and excited we are to hear anything come out of his mouth. His new favorite word is eye, which he says like his Mamma- "ahye". It's soooo adorable. Six months ago we were seriously starting to have doubts about whether or not he would ever speak, but now we are without doubt. Isn't that awesome?

tantrums

2009-03-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

Benjamin's teacher comes once a week on Monday mornings. He was still sick on Monday, so we had to reschedule the appointment for today. She mainly works on speech therapy through interactive play and it usually goes really well. He actually looks forward to it it seems. He is usually very withdrawn when people come to the door that aren't in the immediate family (me, warren, and my favorite neighbor), but he always smiles when she comes. She is here solely for him and I think that he is aware of that. Today she brought Easter eggs filled with little treasures for him to find and he was amused with opening and closing them a million times, but got a little irrate when she tried to hide them to practice for the Easter egg hunts coming up in a few weeks.

It can be said that Benjamin has a difficult time managing transition, but today was just completely out of the normal range for his tantrums. In a normal situation, I would have just let him throw himself on the ground (This part is actually sort of funny because he usually eases himself on the ground because he's found that it hurts when he throws himself. lol) and have it out for the couple of minutes. Well, as I said, she's only here once a week, so it is vitally important that he stay in control of himself and be able to learn while she's here. I tried to consol him and my oh my was that the wrong thing to do. The child actually headbutted me! Right in front of his teacher. Now to clarify, he wasn't trying to hurt me, he was just that much out of control. Needless to say, this made me very angry. Yes, angry is the right word because it hurt. I try to not parent in anger and I'm to tell you that it took every bit of strength in me to not beat him right in front of his teacher and Madeline. (Rachel's little sweetie who comes three times a week.) The hour was up by this point, so it was time for his teacher to leave anyway. Not a moment too soon because all I wanted to do was cry, but I managed to keep it together until she left.

It's time like this that I sit and think, "Why me, why my kid, why he does act this way, and when will it stop?". Well, I do know why he acts this way, so that isn't really a good question to be pondering to begin with. So, to all of you who think that I always have it together with Benjamin and that it's easy, I'm to tell you that it's not easy and I most certainly do not have it all together all the time. I don't have moments where I sit and feel sorry for me or for him often, but those moments are definitely real. However, God never gives us more than we can handle and I still believe that to be true. After all, I do not have a woe is me attitude about his condition that is evolving into something that could possibly require life long care. Okay, yes, maybe I do have a woe as me attitude 1% of the time... Still good odds for us all, I'd say.

Thanks for listening.

Gluten woes

2009-03-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

Casein free is not fun, but gluten free is lots worse. It's easy to substitute soy for cow's milk, but there really is not a substitute for wheat. Wheat is in so many foods! What I am coming to realize is that the foods that contain wheat usually are not that great for you anyway. All the processed junk that we put into our bodies on a daily basis... man oh man. Just wait for the post about the additives in fast food. I actually already knew most of it, but I chose to ignore the facts and settled with ignorance is bliss. You really can not do that with a child who has allergies though.

So the woes basically consisted with Benjamin having withdrawals to gluten. The basic explanation of the whole situation is that there are some autistic children (and obviously some neuro-typical children as well, but they get labeled as having Celiac disease) can not digest casein (cow's milk by product) and gluten (wheat, rye, barley, etc.). These proteins remain in your blood stream and behave as an opiate. GREAT, right?? So basically I've been drugging my child for two years. This is not what causes autism, but rather it exacerbates some of the symtoms such as spinning, banging of the head, and looking "out of it" most of the time. Doctors sometimes suggest that you try this diet to see if any of the symptoms subside. A LOT of Benjamin's symptoms have subsided with the GFCF diet, and we're thrilled with the results. We were not so thrilled with the withdrawals that lasted for about four days, however. He woke up about every 45 minutes at night and was incredibly cranky all day to the point of driving us insane. I'm sure he must have had some sort of headache. We all had a headache at that point. Benjamin has been using more "jargon", which is baby jabber. You know when a child looks at you and has a complete conversation and it's obvious that they aren't speaking English? That's jargon. Benjamin never had that before. It's thought to be the precursor to speaking. Yippee!

Now I'm sure many of you may be wondering why children are not tested for these types of "allergies", and I can not really answer that question. I suppose the same reason why we are not all tested for lots of things. Sometimes, as parents, you must educate yourselves (Warren calls this webmding yourself.) and then ask the doctors for various tests. Is it our crappy healthcare system that ALWAYS revolves around money to the expense of our own health? Maybe so. I do not have the answers, but I do know that Benjamin could have been tested for this earlier. The treatment to eliminate some foods is considered a homeopathic treatment. We all know how most doctors feel about homeopathic treatments. It's very interesting that Western medicine has come this far, but yet falls so short in many ways because most refuse to believe in homeopathic treatments.

Yes, big post with lots of topics. Sorry. The bottom line is Benjamin is doing better and we're stoked!

GFCF

2009-03-01T19:59:00.001-08:00

(for FB users, this blog is imported automatically; visit benjaminsmamma.blogspot.com)

Ah, the trials and tribulations of the gluten free/casein free diet are here. We've been CF (which is basically cow's milk free for all intents and purposes and without going into a lot of explaining) since mid-Oct and after many months, I am basically a pro at reading ingredients... or so I thought. I never would have thought that McDonald's french fries contain milk. Isn't that an interesting tidbit of information? Apparently, the beef flavoring in them contains milk. Now why didn't I stop to think that a french fried potato might possibly have milk as an ingredient? It's simply baffling.

So here I am, almost 5 months into this diet and still giving milk to my CF child. I figure with this new found boost of confidence that I'm ready to embark on the GFCF, right? GF is basically wheat free. We've been at it for three days now and I'm finding that it's nearly impossible to dine out (but it's nearly impossible to dine out with a 2 year old anyway) on this diet. However, the fast food chariot for this diet is ChickFilA. You can eat the french fries, which is a blessing. I always try to take enough snacks, but realistically, a family that is used to dining on the go will encounter problems eventually and require the assistance of some restaurant's deep fryer. It's just science. Southern people need their deep fried food every once in a while. You're all shaking your heads in agreement.

So you're all wondering the purpose of this diet, right? Well, everything involves Benjamin somehow, right? Well, especially on this blog since it's dedicated to him and the joys and dilemnas of parenthood. It's basically an at home therapy that is recommended to see if you achieve positive results. It's been proven to work with some kids, so if it doesn't work, all you are wasting is your time. (and money mind you, it's very expensive) Benjamin has already said three more words since this diet, which is miraculous in our house. His sleeping, however, has been TERRIBLE, so I'd better end this quickly as it is rather late.

Watch for more posts in the future.

He can move the mountains

2009-02-24T13:35:00.000-08:00

Whenever I hear the song "Mighty to Save" on the radio or at church, I always think about Benjamin. I suppose that is because he is always on my mind... and the obstacles we are facing are usually right under the surface, so it always pops up. You know the song, it goes like this:

Everyone needs compassion
Love thats never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
And fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
I Surrender
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Jesus
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Jesus
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King

I know there are lots of different aspects of this song and it can relate to any person and any situation, but I personally can't help but think of Benjamin and his speech delay. (among other things of his) I always gain perspective when hearing this song. Why should I be concerned with my abilities in helping Benjamin overcome a speech delay when He can move the mountains? And in all actually, it is stated that WE can move the mountains.

Matthew 17:20: He told them, "Because of your lack of faith. I tell you with certainty, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.

Do you know how tiny a mustard seed is? That's all the measure of faith that you need to move a mountain. Imagine what a dozen little mustard seeds could accomplish.

Hands tucked, please.

2009-02-18T10:31:00.000-08:00

I still rock Benjamin to sleep. I know, I know, such a travesty in this day and age of expecting your children to become adults by the time they are two. I'm not really sure what that "independence" accomplishes really. Are they truly independent because they can put themselves to sleep if they scream for 20 minutes beforehand? I've noticed that children who are expected to be miniature adults have more frequent outbursts and become unraveled more easily at the tiniest little hiccup in their lives. Of course, there are some children who are perfectly content with putting themselves to sleep and never make a peep about it. This is the perfect situation for all involved, right? Like many others, my situation is not that easy. Benjamin has never been an easy child, and this sleep situation perfectly fits alongside his disposition. I'm not saying my way is the right way; I'm saying that my way is the right way for us right now. I enjoy holding him and watching him slowly unwind and relax and drift off. Right as he's made the decision that he is sleepy and wants to sleep, he tucks his hands in the sleeves of my shirt. I have no idea why he does this, but it is indeed a very sweet moment between the two of us.

"Children and mothers never really part- bound in the beating of each others' heart." -Charlotte Gray

Benjamin's babies

2009-02-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

Benjamin's all time favorite movie is "Finding Nemo", which most of you already know. He has several Finding Nemo stuffed animals and lots of little clown fish all over the house. He adores these fish and loves on them constantly. I think it's precious.

The odd little thing is that he calls them "bebes". No idea why! Maybe he's trying to say baby, but it sounds more like bebe. Does he really think these fish are his babies? lol, that is just a joke of course.

Anyway, just a bit of humor for the day. :)

Beware of the Hippos!

2009-01-26T06:18:00.001-08:00

So we were shopping for Benjamin's birthday gift, and we stumbled upon the bubble section. Benjamin loves bubbles and makes the cutest little popping noise when he pops them. This can get quite animated at times and it's hilarious. He claps his hands together as if to squish the bubble and says pop pop, or sometimes op op. Either way it's adorable.

Sooo... we thought that the hippo that blows bubbles out of it's mouth would be a wonderful gift. Supposedly, you pull the trigger on it's back and voila, out come the bubbles. Well, this did not go over as well as intended. He started to get the fat lip immediately (this dates back to when he was tiny and Warren used to unintentionally scare him with vibrating noises), so we knew it wasn't good, but we kept trying waiting for the bubbles to come out to cheer him up. The bubbles never came out.

He was pretty much screaming at this point, so we thought that a little cake would make him feel better. Every kid likes cake, right? He did like the cake, but was still mad about the hippo, so he cried on and of throughout eating it (which was sorta funny) and was upset again after about 5 minutes because it was then all over his hands... this is the same kid who thrives on messy dirt hands, so we have no idea what that was all about.

We did get a few pictures of the event. We actually had flashbacks to last year's birthday because the same thing happened. Maybe it's going to be a trend where he screams on his birthday? Maybe next year we will play the "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" song before we start opening presents. lol... it was funny though. Poor kid.

So my story sums up with this: beware of the hippos.

New Era

2009-01-23T07:11:00.000-08:00

For the times, they are a-changin'....

Now, of course, that song by Bob Dylan was about a more serious topic than Benjamin's Birthday, but it pretty much sums up how I feel today.

Today marks the event of Benjamin's birth two years ago, and it is as much a happy occasion as it is a sad occasion. Well, maybe sad is a harsh word. Perhaps meloncholy would be a better choice. Today marks the day that I can no longer call him a baby and must refer to him by years rather than months. It always sounds a little ridiculous to me when people refer to their children as months when it gets past 24. So he's officially two now. Well, if you want to get all technical, he was born January 23rd 10:08 PM, Hawaii Standard Time, which is actually January 24 for the rest of the country. Interesting little fact there. We're celebrating on the 23rd even though the rest of the family actually found out on the 24th. It's sort of like a leap year anomaly. :)

So the times, yes, they are a changing for sure. Each day is a fun day filled with adventures galore. He's such a sweet child and I'm so lucky to have him.

Happy Birthday, Benjamin!

sign language

2009-01-11T11:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, nap time again, so I'm blogging. Warren has recently labeled me an "inspirational blogger". lol... funny man he is. I blog to collect my thoughts and share them with others so they may smile, laugh, and have a better day.

I've always been fascinated with sign language. I'm not really sure where this fascination stems from since I've never known anyone who had significant hearing loss that required the use of sign language. The letter charts have always been fun for me to sit and memorize, but I've never retained the vast majority of the letters since I have no one to practice with. Warren, however, has known the charts for years and years, and never forgets them. He has amazing abilities of retaining information. He has oodles of information tucked away in his brain and pulls them out at the right moments.

So anyway, back to the whole point of this entry, Benjamin's teacher has been teaching him sign language. No, he doesn't have a hearing problem. The theory with autistic children, and all other late talkers actually, is that communicating with signs lessens the frustrations the child has with not being able to communicate their needs and desires. Some parents discourage this education due to the irrational thinking that it will make their children speak even later in life. Most children learn the sign, learn to put the word with the sign, and eventually, drop the sign altogether. Benjamin's first sign was "more" and it is basically just putting your finger tips together with your palms inward. It is easy for children to use this sign for several situations, thus making the use more frequent, thus boosting their self-esteem and willingness to cooperate with teachers/parents.

I really think that I was happier with Benjamin's first sign experience than I was with his first word. (As many of you know, Benjamin had words and then lost them around 15-16 months.) Of course, this is from the same Mom that loves that her child is left-handed... what can I say? I love that my child is different and it makes me a different kind of Mom...

I know that most people wouldn't trade places with me even if they were paid, but I wouldn't trade places with them either.

Milestone charts: friend or foe?

2008-12-23T08:38:00.000-08:00

When Benjamin was an infant, I loved milestone charts. There are three categories to most of these charts. The one on the left is labeled as what "almost all" kids can do; the one in the middle is what "most" kids can do; and the one on the right is what "some" kids can do. Needless to say, Benjamin was almost always on the far right hand side. Yes, we were a right-handed side milestone chart family! Oh, how my heart swelled with pride every time I looked at those milestone charts... Benjamin was going to be the next President of the United States. Or at least an astronaut. I was already envisioning the NASA Mom bumper sticker on my Honda.

At around 14 months or so, he slowly started slipping to the middle column for some of the sections. At 18 months, he was almost entirely off the chart in some sections since much of the abilities at that age are centered around language. Now, at almost 24 months, I haven't so much as glanced at a milestone chart in months simply because I could care less. Benjamin, like most children, is very advanced some areas, and very behind in others. I don't remember reading "ability to outmaneuver child safety locks" at 13 months anywhere on the chart.

Benjamin may not fit the mold, but he definitely surprises me everyday with his unusual abilities that far surpass what any milestone chart could ever tell me. The most amazing people in the world are a bit unusual, aren't they? How blessed am I to be the parent of this brilliant little boy? How are we going to pay for space camp???

I think that in the end, milestone charts are exactly what they say at the top of every single one of them and that most people tend to ignore- that they are only meant to be an estimate of the general aptitude of a broad range of children. I think that embracing the differences as well as the similarities in our children's abilities should be recognized.

So perhaps friend and foe.

Small miracles

2008-12-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

Today was a great day.

Benjamin acted like a typical two year old today. (Almost two already, can't believe it.) He didn't cling to my side whining all day to be held. He napped almost two hours. He initiated play all by himself. He came to me with his needs. (drink, diaper) He was pleasant at the Dr's office. (We just had to fill out paperwork.)

He pitched a fit twice because he didn't want to come in and I just laughed because it delighted me so to see him happy with other children.

His favorite phrase this week is "weeeee". He says this going down the slide, on the swings, and when rolling his cars down the slide inside. He says it with actual purpose and not just endless babbling. It's amazing how a simple phrase of "weee" can really make your day. :)

Perspective makes all the difference in the world.

Small miracles.

November 12th

2008-11-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

What a day that was...

It changed our lives completely.
It gave us more patience.
It gave us more understanding.
It made us nervous.
It made us get busy reading our books instead of skimming through them.
It answered a lot of questions.

It gave us hope for the future.

He's not just anyone...

2008-10-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

"He's My Son", by Mark Schultz.

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there

CHORUS

Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son

Benjamin's Progress

2008-10-23T07:54:00.001-07:00

I wanted to post an update on Benjamin's progress since we started the casein-free diet about a week ago. Casein is a milk by-product, and Benjamin can not have any milk products at all. Yes, no macaroni and cheese or goldfish. At first, I was seriously wondering what else the child was going to eat besides chicken nuggets and grapes. Benjamin is usually a great eater (can you tell?) with lots of different types of foods, but mac and cheese was his favorite food. I've heard about some kind of soy cheese, but I haven't found it yet.

17th: He pointed to his pacifier on the table that he couldn't reach.
18th: He brought me a book to read.
19th: He repeated the word dog and put a puzzle together without being frustrated. His frustration levels are markedly lower.
20th: He repeated horse, pointed to nose when asked, and played with a group of children and "socialized" without screaming.
22nd: He put the blocks in the correct holes of the toy. You know that toy all kids have with the shapes of a star, cross, circle, square, etc in the round thing that comes apart. I think it's made by tupperware.

These steps are huge for us because none of these ever happened before without serious frustration and crying. Benjamin would physically push books away when you tried to read them to him, and now he will bring them to you. Just amazing transformation. He's still the same child, just happier.

His big appointment is November 12th.

Benjamin's Left Rain Boot

2008-09-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, my neighbor and I went to several yard sales and I picked up a pair of rain boots for Benjamin. These boots are the cutest boots EVER. They are blue with a green stripe across the top accompanied by yellow embellishments. Now I'm not so sure if they in themselves are cute, or if Benjamin makes them the cutest boots EVER. He absolutely adores them! The left one, specifically. No idea why. He will bring me the left boot almost every time and wants to wear it. They are a little bit too big and awkward for him to put them on all by himself. He is fine with wearing both at the same time, but prefers to wear just the left one around the house. We haven't ventured outside with them yet since it is still a little too warm for knee high boots.

He actually prefers to do everything with the left side of his body. He pushes things with his left hand, writes with his left hand, and kicks the ball with his left foot. I'm weirdly excited to have a left-handed child.

dolphin show

2008-09-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

We went to the zoo while we were in Indiana and we all decided to go to a dolphin show. (Warren's Aunt, her grandson, me, Cindy, and Bp) Now this is the first time Benjamin has been to the zoo, much less a dolphin show. Actually, much less any sort of show that requires you to sit and be somewhat still. We did get there right in the nick of time for the show, so that made it a little better since we didn't have to wait... you can see where I'm leading up to.

The trainers came out and the dolphins were released into the pools and they were playing all sorts of pump up music. "Pump up the jam" was actually playing if you remember that song. (skating rink anyone?) So Bp was all excited clapping his hands and sitting in my lap squealing with delight.

For one brief moment, I thought I was losing my baby and gaining a big boy. My eyes did glisten a bit and I was sad that Warren was missing this experience. However, I was jolted back into reality about eight minutes later when he was squealing, but not with delight mind you, because he was either bored, hot, hungry, sleepy, thirsty, etc.

Thank God.

Our house

2008-09-04T12:44:00.000-07:00

We're back home now, jiggity jig. My Mom says that, I have no idea where it comes from.

Benjamin has no recollection of this house... sometimes he gets this look on his face as if he is remembering something about a toy or the outside, but he most definitely does NOT remember the planes. The returning look of sheer terror every time one goes over our house is my affirmation that he does not remember, nor does he care for it one little bit. Oh well, at least I don't have to go to the toy store for a while. Everything is shiny as a new penny around here to him. Lucky me!

Legacy

2008-08-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

I like a song with great lyrics. Songs that can come to life are the best ones- the ones that speak to your heart. It's not a secret that I like songs that you can sing along to, but when they actually have a meaning, it's all the better. However, I'll admit that I have sung "baby hit me one more time" more than my share. Anyway...

The song "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman will make you think about your life and it's direction. Having children will change the way you view yourself and how you view the world. This song definitely makes me think of where I'm going and how Benjamin is helping me get there. Several of these lyrics are paraphrased and they are how I fit them into my life.

What kind of Mother do I want to be? I want to be one that leaves a legacy.

How will he remember me?

Did I point to God enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering.

Will he be a child of mercy and grace who blesses God's name unapologetically?

Am I leaving that kind of legacy?

You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best at such-n-such, but would it really matter if I didn't leave a legacy?

In the end, I'd like to hang my hat on something more than the temporary trappings of this world.

One day, if somebody asks Benjamin to describe his mother, I'd like him to say, "One that always put her family first... one that left a legacy."

continuous travel

2008-08-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through some of my pictures on Facebook, and I saw my house and didn't realize it was mine. That's how long we've been gone! Not really, but it feels that way sometimes. In all honesty, I just didn't recognize the floor in one picture. It is still somewhat new to us, afterall.

We're in Indy now for the next two weeks and it should be a fun time. Bp is doing well and continues to make me smile. He had quite a nice conversation with the other little boy today sitting next to us at the breakfast restaurant. Benjamin is quite vocal to say the least. The other boy didn't say a word and sat there with an interesting look on his face...almost as if he thought bp was some sort of alien. I for once want to be in a restaurant where another child is louder than Benjamin. It makes me wonder why some kids are quiet and others are loud. We're not loud people, so why would we produce a loud child? Do loud people produce quiet children? Hmm, perhaps someone should do a case study on this and get back to me.

*I* want to be the parent of the good, seemingly quiet child at a restaurant sometime. Of course, what then would I smile at? Who really wants a dull kid?

Maybe just a dull kid in a restaurant would be okay every now and then.

Athens, hurray!

2008-08-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I dropped my baby sister off to the University of Georgia. This is her second year there and she was WAY beyond excited about going back. Almost a bit too much for our parents' sake if you ask me, but what can you tell an 18 year old? Oh well, we still love her.

My parents kept bp (the p is for Parker) for the day-turned-in-to-night-trip and apparently he was an "angel". How could this be? Where is this angel during the days I am with him?? Still amazes me how this could be the truth. This is the same child who screams when I walk out the door, but is strangely perfect for hours on end ten minutes later. Somebody should write a book about what all babysitters/grandparents do to our children to make them behave, because it's obvious that we as all parents are just doing it wrong.

Or perhaps our children are just spoiled? Yes, that's the ticket.

Oh well, he'll have the rest of his adult life to overcome the mistakes that Warren and I make. Aren't we all doing just that? This of course is a rhetorical question because my parents are perfect. :)

Hurricane Benjamin

2008-08-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

To say that today has been destructive is an understatement, and it's only 12pm. As mentioned earlier, Benjamin and I are staying with my parents in Georgia. This house has not had a baby in it's presence for any length of time in about... oh... 50 years. So, needless to say, Benjamin has had quite an affect on many of the furnishings. We like to call him Hurricane Benjamin.

1. The grandfather clock which was one of the many possessions my parents inherited when moving in this house, has a section on the bottom which is made of this woven cotton feeling material. Apparently, this is a perfect spot in which to poke your finger through if you are 18 months old. Interestingly, Benjamin has this condition in which once he makes a hole in something, he is required to make it irreparable. Warren calls this condition "baby crack". (Have I ever mentioned how funny my husband is? Well, he is. Another story perhaps.)

2. When I am here alone, I am forced to drag Benjamin in the bathroom with me when I take a bath. So we're in there and I'm washing my hair, and I hear the sound of tile falling from the countertop. There are these tiles that are sort of hanging from the top of the countertop. They are about 1/2 inch long and are only meant for decoration. Anyway, so one of them falls and Benjamin of course has to investigate immediately. I can see his mind racing at this point (I'm across the room mind you. This bathroom is huge.) and he snatches several more of them down before I can get out dripping wet to stop him. My only fear is that he will continue to try to pull more them all down every time we go in there. Good times.

So this is more than enough destruction for one day.

Mark Harris

2008-08-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

I think this song is a dedication from all mothers to their children. I absolutely adore it. I can see myself 20 years from now when Benjamin is grown and me still crying listening to it thinking he's a baby. It makes me tear up now just listening to it.

Mark Harris: Find Your Wings.

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus: I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus: It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

amoxicillin

2008-08-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

I have to share my experience with this so-called wonder drug that all doctors from here to India give all children with any form of bacterial infection: amoxicillin.

Sunday: A couple of week ago, poor Benjamin wakes up at 4am on our big day to see very-pregnant Beth with a fever of 102. (To be honest, my first thought was, "Please God, not another stomach virus. I just can't live through another day/night of hotdog all over me.) Of course this was a Sunday because ALL children get sick on the weekends when it's next to impossible to see a doctor for a routine sickness.

Monday: We go and see a doctor here in town and they give the wonder drug amoxicillin for his ear infection. Yes, I did forget to mention that that's all it was, so thank you God for keeping the hotdogs in his tummy and not all over mine.

Tuesday: Happy baby! All was proclaimed well and our trip was rescheduled for the next day. We went to eat mexican partly to celebrate this event and partly because I will turn into a Gremlin if I go longer than a week without cheese dip. No idea why, this is just part of my life that we all have to deal with. So lunch was a fun trip and I even have a picture of this delicious dip all over Benjamin to prove how much fun we had. Thirty minutes after lunch, Benjamin starts grunting and crying uncontrollably and quite frankly scared the beejesus out of me. He was turning red and getting on all fours like an animal and rocking back and forth. REALLY weird. Mom came home from work because I was frantic and called the paramedics because we were concerned he was having trouble breathing. They get here and in not so many words call me crazy because he calmed down a bit by then and almost fell asleep. Now, I know my child and this was not any sort of behavior that was remotely normal, but yet they continued to look at me as if I were the ignorant "new mom". Oh well, I'm just glad that all it turned out to be was a "stomachache" from the cheese dip. (I can't even tell you how many times he's had cheese dip.) We call the Dr who saw him and she recommended that we "cut down on milk and all dairy". The problem with this is that Benjamin loves milk. It was a bad night, I tell ya.

Wednesday: Benjamin is now drinking Lactaid (which btw he is still on and it is working quite nicely) and has mysterious looking bumps on the back of his neck. I thought it was from the tag on his new shirt. About ten minutes later, the bumps were all over his chest, back, and creeping in on his face. He appears healthy otherwise. I of course immediately thought it was from the medicine and read the side affects and "severe stomachache" and "rash" were two of the most awful ones listed and "discontinue drug" posted right beside it if problems arise. What the heck was this doctor thinking? Stomachache from the cheese dip my ***.

We went to the ER and he was placed on a different antibiotic for his ear infection, which had almost cleared up completely by this point, and he has been happy ever since. Doctors sometimes really should listen to parents a little more closely.

This is sooooo not the first time that I knew something was wrong with my child and I was labeled a "new mom".

Toddlerville for me

2008-07-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

This whole blogging thing is so much fun. Apparently, I'm the last person to have their own blog website if they have commericals about it on tv already. Oh well, I'm always a little bit behind the times these days.

What I'm WAY up on are children's television shows, books, and basically everything involving toddlers. This is my life these days and I wouldn't change it a bit. Lots of people feel as if they "lose" themselves when they become a parent, but I feel as if you "find" yourself in more ways that not.

Benjamin at the moment is making this odd squishy sound with his mouth that is rather suspicious. Okay, just the sound of a straw being crunched in half. How sharp do your teeth have to be to tear a straw? Good grief.

Anyway, so as I was saying, it isn't as if I had this action-packed life before he was born to begin with, so he is more than mildly entertaining in his toddler years.

July 18, 2008

2008-07-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! :) Let me start off by saying this whole blogging thing is new to me, so if I screw it up and you notice, screw you. hehe. Just kidding.

Benjamin and I are in Ga for a few more weeks, and then we're off to Indiana to see Warren's parents. We have had a nice three weeks here, but as you can all imagine, it is difficult being in your own house for a decade and then coming home with a toddler. It's been nice to be home though. More days in a row that I've been home since I left for the Navy back in 98. Getting so old!

Benjamin is saying and doing lots of fun things. He looks up at the light and says "ight", but it comes out like ite. He loves the "this little piggy" game and will promptly say "weee" if you ask him what the piggies do. It's hilarious. He favorite game is still chase and he loves it even more if you chase him with his little lawn mower. Good times.:) His current favorite movie is Ratatouille, and I'm extremely glad to have a break from Nemo. I swear that I know all the words to Finding Nemo. His other favorite thing to do around the house is taking off his diaper and running nekkid. What can I say, he's a boy. Either that or a junior nudist.

Hope you're all having fun. :)